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Critical Analysis #1
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Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere

0 posted 2000-11-21 08:05 AM


Softly the wind blows
Bringing sweetest dreams
Nothing can quite compare
To what comes in on angels wings

Beneath the stars at night
Your voice whispers to me
My ears wouldn't be able to hear
If it didn't come on angels wings

A gentle kiss seems to fall
A smile to my face it brings
Brought forth straight from your heart
On nothing less than angels wings

My heart continues to fill with love
On my face happiness beams
These thoughts I'll send to keep you warm
Riding quickly to you on angels wings.


With a little piece of tomorrow,
You'll have to kiss yesterday goodbye.
Because today won't last forever,
And the past will only make you cry.

© Copyright 2000 Angel - All Rights Reserved
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-11-21 12:44 PM


Angel,

Your poem was sweet, but here in CA, overused cliches are frowned upon. We like to see originality. Why don't you try to state what you want to say in a fresh, interesting way...describing the emotions with an impact only you can give to them.

I can see you have a good sense of rhythm, and you also have a good feel for poetry...jsut try saying it in a unique manner. Nice work...keep posting,
mia

...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers

Lillian Starling
New Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 8

2 posted 2000-11-21 05:19 PM


I love it! It's very beautiful and wonderfully moving. Anyone that's evre been in love should be able to identify with this!

Lillian

Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere
3 posted 2000-11-22 03:10 AM


Mia,
  I wasn't trying to use an overused cliche.  The poems based on an ex and me.  We met on-line role-playing and both of our characters were angels.  *shrugs*  Hence, the angels wings theme.  Anyhow, thanks for your critic.   I'll keep what you said in mind.

Lillian,
  Thankyou very much.     I think you got the gist of what I meant.  

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