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Venice
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Venice |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Here, in every silence you hear a space bar,-- Venice. The only setbacks of this place are The knots in your veins which slow the blood. And every street here, leads to “dot dot dot,” Which echoes like Morse Code in your chest. Who was the architect that designed this nest, Where fat pigeons hunt for the stranger’s hands, Where the darkness falls, but the day never ends, Where the blaring sounds of the violins pierce With sharp notes, the foreigner’s harking ears? Where the tourists roam with their opened maps, Most of which lead to nothing, save perhaps, Chilling, barren blocks and the narrow lanes, Where the darkness falls, but the day remains, Where the sea-sick gondolas float like autumn leaves, And the night, alone, stands in water and sieves Those lost souls, who may, slip away and drift, Pass the city’s gates, to an obscure rift Of the underworld, where the current’s force Overwhelms the souls’ and directs the course. And nostalgia leaves an exclamation mark, On the fates of those straying in the dark. < !signature--> Check out my poetry here: http://cafepoetry.com/stage1/andrey_kneller.htm#My%20Hamlet [This message has been edited by Master (edited 10-29-2000).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I feel most guilty about this...being that it is Critical Analysis...but I haven't got time to critique this...however - I couldn't leave without telling you that, in essence, I adore this poem... spellbound is the word... Where the sea-sick gondolas float like autumn leaves, And the night, alone, stands in water and sieves Those lost souls, who may, slip away and drift, Pass the city’s gates, to an obscure rift that gets a sigh... Coolies! (I will try to get to back to this - very busy at present (good excuse, eh?), no, seriously - I will if I can.)  K"He looked across the silky surface of the Severn... it was a famously difficult river with fierce tides..." From Jack Maggs |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
I understand, I'm quite busy myself nowadays. But thanks anyway for your warm comment and do come back and tell me more... Check out my poetry here: http://cafepoetry.com/stage1/andrey_kneller.htm#My%20Hamlet |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Master, This is wonderful, you've described venice perfectly, brought back some memories 2 lines however, state the same thing..... Where the darkness falls, but the day never ends, Where the darkness falls, but the day remains, but otherwise, a terrific poem and I loved the way it flowed I absolutely loved this line..... Where the sea-sick gondolas float like autumn leaves, Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you for replying Maree, I've revised the poem a bit, (the revised version is posted in this forum), do you think it's better this way? [This message has been edited by Master (edited 11-05-2000).] |
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