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The Life of a Rose
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Life of a Rose |
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bamagirl Junior Member
since 2000-10-27
Posts 20 |
You were my temple and I your most faithful follower. A servant to the love you had bound me in. You were always so far above me and I so far below, feeling the world had done me a favor by giving me your love. It started with one rose. That was all you could afford in the beginning. One simple rose, one heart felt I love you. Does love ever stay this true? We walked hand in hand on cloud nine for so long, was it any wonder how much it hurt when we came crashing down? Your words pierced through my skin and tore at my heart as we argued about the absolute nothings that become problems in the life of a couple. An apology of a dozen roses. So much had changed, yet I loved you all the same. Arguements all too often, roses of peace offerings all too frequent. Unable to walk away for fear of life without your love. Always believing things were never that bad. Stunned to my very existence, was it your hand I really just felt strike my face? Relization and tears hurting far worse than the actual blow. Then came the roses, the sweet smelling roses. Representing promises of I'll never do it again, but as the roses died so did your promises. Still too blind, too weak to walk away. As the petals on your roses began falling one by one, the life in me began to drain blow by blow, year by year. So place that final rose across my folded arms, as they lower me into the ground below. Finally protected by my blanket of roses that cover where I lie. You were my temple and I your most faithful follower... I became your martyr. |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Bravo. This poem is very good. I appreciate the continuity of theme here. You stretched the imagery of roses from beginning to end in a tasteful and legitimate way. Holding a theme or image steadfastly to the end is not always justified (especially if the overall demand of the poetic flow doesn't require it... it becomes forced). However, anything but forced, your panoramic trail of rose-petals led to a satisfying and intriguing ending to me. You tied all your "roses" together so to speak in a bouquet of pathos and tragedy, which was not overdone but fitting. I am also pleased that the person described in this poem (if her death is literal) is not you yourself. A couple of suggestions: 1) line one should end with a comma with line two beginning with a lowercase "a". This would pre-clarify without any question who the Servant is. As it stands now you have to sort of figure the identity out from the end of line 2 by the phrase "love you had bound me in." And also grammatically this is one sentence not two. 2) In line seven, "heart felt" should be heartfelt with no space. It is one word. This and possibly putting the "I love you" in quotes would yield the greatest clarity of meaning and syntax. Yes you can figure out what it means without such changes, but why make the reader have to pause to figure anything out (unless of course it is a desired effect that springs out of the content or meaning). This was a beautiful yet sad poem. Thanks for posting this. |
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