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Critical Analysis #1
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Jeen
Member
since 2000-06-07
Posts 91


0 posted 2000-10-18 01:24 PM


This adversary
Has restricted me
By surrendering my capacity
To devote passion to a career
Instead of my family

This rival
Has denied me
The affleunt's luxury
Of congesting my home with
Assets I want but don't need

This thief has robbed from me
The inherent ability
To embody indifference toward suffering
Because of my own personal immunity

This intruder has winnowed me
Into an opposite personality
Throwing me in a direction
I would not have chosen
Without it's coercion

This disease
Ha clearly altered me
Physically to some degree
Yet my soul has never been healthier
Who is to say I am not better off


© Copyright 2000 Jeen - All Rights Reserved
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
1 posted 2000-10-18 04:51 PM


Applause!!!  

(small typo in the last verse Jeen! )

kid D
Member
since 2000-10-18
Posts 64

2 posted 2000-10-18 05:10 PM


ok, you didn't say what disease, which made me reread 3 times to understand this more clearly...so i don't know if the not identifying is a plus or a minus...I do like what you are trying to say, that things, illnesses, etc, change your life, and that you have accepted this for the better, but I think a little tieing together of your ideas would make this better...hope i said this right, i like it, and i think it has potential  
kid D
Member
since 2000-10-18
Posts 64

3 posted 2000-10-19 09:50 AM


ok i started my post before LR's then got interupted and came back to finish and found his applause, which makes me feel doubly dumb for not getting this poem...will reread and see what i missed, but would like to see what a couple of others feel too  
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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » This for That (was Quid Pro Quo) but I changed much of it

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