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Forever In My Garden
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Forever In My Garden |
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rev09 New Member
since 2000-10-08
Posts 1 |
Of all the things that had to walk into my life. Of all the things that could disrupt the flow. Of all the things that would distract me from the everyday grind. You, you of all things. You, I can't hate you for it, for you are so perfect. like that one rose that stands above the rest. Taunting the others. Knowing you are so perfect, yet not knowing at all. Do you not know how everything you do, every sound you make drives me insane? Can you not see it in my eyes or the way I speak? How I love you with a love not felt before, at least by this lonely soul. Teasing me with your flirtatous bloom. With your conversations and your laughter. Don't speak for I already know the words. You are not mine, you are his. He is so far away, yet I feel even farther for I am not yours and you are not mine. You are the taunting rose who is just out of reach. But one day you will grow towards me and will live forever in my garden. |
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| © Copyright 2000 rev09 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
You first post! I'm glad to see you chose the Critical Analysis forum for your first undertaking. It shows you want to learn and are willing to take chances. I think you do a lot of things right with this poem. It reads quite well. But unfortunately you rely on ordinary poetic devices to convey your message. Comparing perfection to a rose, loving with a love never felt before etc. Keep the smooth flow and rhythm but strive for greater innovation in conveying your thoughts. Good luck and best wishes! |
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