»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
silence
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
silence |
|
|
Man With A Revolver New Member
since 2000-10-04
Posts 7Netherlands |
Hi, as the new kid here, this is my first topic here. I'm open for any criticism, on style, structure, content etc, I want to know what you all think. silence created:aug 2000 One minute of silence for every death. A memory to violence, to waste and regret. One minute of silence, for every drop that was spilled with the rain. Why won't it stop?! One minute of silence, for ev'ry last breath. Emotionless violence, until all beasts.. are dead. Moments of silence, for the birds in the air, for the fish in the water, for the creatures so fair. One minute of silence, one for each loss. Decades of silence. Forever it's lost. Decades of mourning, for the animals I love. Deathly.. Silent.. in the desert down below, in the skies up above. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Man With A Revolver - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like the use of repetition here but think you should expand on the causality of actually giving 'a minute of silence' to things that die. What would happen? A lot to play with here; start playing. Just an opinion, Brad |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
