»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Memories
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Memories |
|
|
hawkat New Member
since 2000-09-09
Posts 7 |
A whirlwind of seemingly endless despair carries me round and round in a circular passage of screams, through the impregnable vortex of my mind. As I speed through,I pass caverns, each containing animated scenes created from a myriad of memories I had believed long forgotten. Memories transcend all barriers of time, remaining steadfast in their directive of providing a gateway to past times; An opportunity to revisit long lost emotions. Yet,memories are bi-dimensional;a convergence of a lifetimes experiences; there to ensure we can never forget the greatest mistakes of our past. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 hawkat - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
hawkat: Welcome to Passions and to CA. Overall, I think you have some good thoughts here but the absence of concrete images in your poem is, in my opinion, holding the piece back. Take your second stanza, for example: quote: You say you are speeding past caverns that contain animated scenes but, because you do not elaborate on what you see, I am left unsatisfied, wondering what you meant by "animated". Did you see Bugs Bunny on the caverns or were the scenes moving energetically? What were the scenes? What were the memories? How can I appreciate the impact of the recollection of these "long forgotten" memories if I don't know what you are remembering? In most cases (I think), strong images help the reader "see" what you see and "feel" what you feel ... almost voyeuristic ... but you've pulled the blinds down!  My main suggestion would be to keep the substance of your thoughts intact but do so while giving the reader more of a picture to accompany the words. Just an opinion. Again, welcome to CA. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 09-11-2000).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
