Requisition for an Angel - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 2000-09-11 02:49 AM

I apologize for having 3 poems on at one time, but I've been gone a while, so I know you'll cut me some slack...hmmmmm?

A plea sent to all who'll listen,
Into the celestial planisphere,
Within a tear-stained envelope,
On wings of prayer from here.

An angel needed quickly, please,
There's a devil on my trail,
It's taking me for a wild ride,
It thinks, though it will fail.

It has so many faces,
I sure don't know them all,
I know enough to see that,
It will never see me fall.

For it is simply mortal,
A fact it can't accept,
Imagined power is all it wields,
In psychological concept.

It may feel it's on a mission,
Thinks it's benevolent,
Could it not see the pain it brings?
Such hurt's not heaven sent.

So, I'm waiting for you, angel,
With celerity do find me,
Then post-haste I will send you,
To heal it, and set it free.

Kris

< !signature-->

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~
Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 09-11-2000).]

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

1 posted 2000-09-11 08:50 PM

Kris:

Cute little boy. Is that his sister?

Good to see your work in here again and, as usual, I enjoyed looking for the broader meaning behind this "requisition".

It appears to me that the narrator could be just about anyone on the receiving end of an oppressive ego (or egos) -- (wife, child, employee, etc.).  I was somewhat surprised (pleasantly) by the final stanza ... assuming "it" refers to the "devil on my trail" ... in spite of the difficulty of living under the weight of this "devil's" ego, the prayer is for healing, not retribution.

"wings of prayer" came across as a little flat so close to the more original "celestial planisphere" and the inverted accents of "accept" and "concept" were a little unwieldy to the tongue.

But even so, I enjoyed the read.

Jim

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2000-09-12 09:57 AM

Hi Kris,

I must agree with Jim, it's good to see you back. This is a little unusual for you, so much rhyme and meter, I mean. It also seems a little sweet, for lack of a better word.

Old Jim is pretty observant (although I guess I should refer to him as young Jim). I confess I didn't recognize the devil. Is he right assuming ego? But then is it the writer's or someone else? Well, I ramble here

I did have a bit of a problem with the accept/concept rhyme although I have also been guilty of the same error. There were a couple of lines (as mentioned above) which seemed a little cliche but overall, they did not seem to stand out excessively.

I did have to read a couple of extra times to begin to appreciate the context. Don't know the significance, if any, of that though.

Thanks

Pete

Imagination is more important than knowledge
Albert Einstein

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2000-09-17 02:48 AM

I didn't mind the accept/concept thing but wish you would have given the characters a little more personality. I like the many faces bit and was surprised that you didn't proceed to describe them. You're diction is really great in some places but in others seems woefully lacking when compared to some of the great parts.

A plea sent to all who'll listen,
Into the celestial planisphere,

--nice

Within a tear-stained envelope,
On wings of prayer from here.

--Reminds me of 'On a wing and a prayer'

An angel needed quickly, please,
There's a devil on my trail,
It's taking me for a wild ride,
It thinks, though it will fail.

--expand on this, make it more specific

It has so many faces,
I sure don't know them all,

--As mentioned, I like this.

I know enough to see that,
It will never see me fall.

--too vague for my taste.

For it is simply mortal,
A fact it can't accept,
Imagined power is all it wields,
In psychological concept.

--This is good and different, wish you had explored it more.

It may feel it's on a mission,
Thinks it's benevolent,
Could it not see the pain it brings?
Such hurt's not heaven sent.

--Uh, well, need to work on this one.

So, I'm waiting for you, angel,
With celerity do find me,

--good, I like the use of 'celerity' here.

Then post-haste I will send you,
To heal it, and set it free.

--Nice touch but I want more here. Expand on it.

Just an opinion,
Brad

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

4 posted 2000-09-17 01:48 PM

Jim and Pete: Thanks for reading and commenting.

Brad: You always want more...sorry, emptiness pervades the marrow.< !signature-->

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~
Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 09-17-2000).]

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

5 posted 2000-09-17 06:21 PM

Are you calling me too demanding, Kris?

Brad

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

6 posted 2000-09-18 12:59 PM

You have a problem with the truth, Brad?

Jim

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

7 posted 2000-09-18 11:38 PM

You think I'm demanding.

Wait 'til you meet my wife.

Brad

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.