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Critical Analysis #1

Relationship

hawkat
New Member

since 2000-09-09

Posts 7

0 posted 2000-09-10 07:49 PM

Another argument,another hurt.
Just one more to add
to the myriad of pain.
Silence creeps in along with
a cold atmosphere like an ice age.

Words that cut through the soul
run through my brain.
Something he said that forces
me further into my dark retreat,
where nothing exists to me.

Silence breeds silence as
the days run on like a slow death.
Forgiveness is impossible
when the nail has been driven in
once too often,always too hard.

A thought begins to evolve.
A question of how love
can so swiftly leave you
with a sense of such worthlessness;
a sense of total isolation.

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-09-11 01:19 AM

Welcome to CA.

I think everyone has experienced this type of pain, and you have written well of your angst. However, in re: to your last stanza... you say that love has left, yet in the first stanza, you say it was just another argument. If you are the author and subject of this, I would say that you both are probably thinking much too much about petty things. Hope it works out for the best.
Kris

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~
Albert Einstein

hawkat
New Member

since 2000-09-09

Posts 7

2 posted 2000-09-11 05:28 AM

Actually,this is only half my own wxperience and yes,we do argue over petty things,but things that mean a great deal to me.In the last stanza,I am not saying love has left;I am saying that love has left me with a sense of isolation and worthlessness at the time of the argument.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2000-09-14 11:41 PM

Welcome to CA. I'd like to try a quick editing technique if you don't mind:

Silence creeps in along with
a cold atmosphere like an ice age.

Silence breeds silence as
the days run on like a slow death

when the nail has been driven in
too hard.

Total isolation.

Just an experiment. What do you think?

Brad

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