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Critical Analysis #1
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Mirrored Images (revision)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Mirrored Images (revision) |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada 
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Heads up, here she comes again girls. < !signature-->Who is it I see? You'd think after all these years she'd know the answer to that one! Why do you not answer? It would help if we knew which one you wanted to answer, year 8, year 10 or as you are now! Are you looking for someone? Geez...you tell us! Are you lost? HELLO, how can you be lost, your starin' right at yourself! ANSWER ME...ANSWER ME OR GO AWAY! Yeah right, like we have a choice! Everyday I see you. Girls catch this, who else does she expect to see when lookin' in the mirror! Do I know you? Oh man, that's way up there with the 'who is it I see' question! Why are you here? Anyone else wanna take this one! What do you want? You could make out with some gorgeous hunk over there on the bed and we could all join in! TELL ME...TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! Girl, we just did but you ain't listenin'! Why is it you cry? We don't know, you haven't told us yet! Do I make you cry? Girl we all cry right along with ya everytime you come home from a date! Are you in pain? Not yet but we're all gettin' there fast! Show me the pain. Now that is one girl cruisin' for a bruisin'! SHOW ME...SHOW ME OR STOP WAILING! Is it just me or does anyone else think she's losin' it! Who are you looking at? Hang on...we need to have a huddle on this one! Are you looking at me? Damn girl, who else would we be looking at! Who the hell are you? We're gettin' real tired of this identity problem you keep havin'! I liked her better when she thought the hairbrush was a microphone! Don't look at me. Yup, OK, it's time for one of you all to take over, I've had enough! DON'T LOOK...DON'T LOOK OR YOU'LL SHATTER! Cover your eyes girls, incoming! Would you look at all those pieces, hey, hey you on the other side, check out those pieces you might find yourself! debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown [This message has been edited by mysticharm (edited 09-09-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Debbie McLellan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Debbie, Much, much better. The changes (basically a completely new poem) fill out the picture so much more. I like the way it reads like a drama script. I like 'show me the pain' - but I'd remove the question mark, as its not a question but a command. (or else add 'will you' to the start). All the details, the hunk on the bed, etc just fill it out so much the better. -Tim |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hey there tim  ...thanks bunches for the idea, it doesn't sound so crazed this way, your right, without the question mark works better. merci debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I liked the structure you have here; I just thought it went on a bit too long and was bit too repetitive: Show me the pain. Now that is one girl cruisin' for a bruisin'! This line has just gotta go. Still, all in all, an interesting piece. Been reading Sylvia Plath recently? Brad |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hi brad ...well actually the first version only had the questions & tim suggested giving the questions some answers LOL, I liked the idea & this is what my crazy mind came up with. ...I agree with the repetitive side of it, but don't leave me hanging, why do you think those two lines have to go? ...thanks brad, I'll see what I can do with the repeating parts but would really like to know, are the sentences too cliche, don't fit, what LOL? merci debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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