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Critical Analysis #1

The Time Has Come

Robin
Junior Member

since 1999-08-07

Posts 48
Cardiff, Wales, UK

0 posted 2000-09-05 04:53 PM

The Time Has Come
23/8/00

There comes a time, or so I’ve found
When I spend more time searching
Than I do reading.
I know I have that book
With that poem or that fact
But I’m blowed if I can find it.

There comes a time, I’m sure it’s true
When everyone does the same
And in the end we all decide
To sort our books by name
Or by subject
Or date of acquisition.

There comes a time when enough’s enough
And something must be done
So I pile the books in the middle of the room
And sort them all
From first to last
By the colours I found on the cover.

Now,

There comes a time when I want a book
And I know its colour is green
With a bit of blue and yellow too.
The book I pull still isn’t the one
But it’s fascinating all the same,
So I read that one!

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

1 posted 2000-09-06 01:14 PM

Robin:

I think the best advice I can give you in the short amount of time that I have remaining is that your isolate your purpose for writing this poem and keep this purpose in the forefront of your mind as you develop the theme of the poem toward that end.

I think one of the points you are trying to get across is the futility of categorizing books (or something) and the superiority of being satisfied with whatever you pull off the shelf. Unfortunately, I don't think you move convincingly enough in that direction and, as a result, you fail to sway me in the direction of that proposition.

Consider re-writing and be concise. Try to avoid wasted phrases like "or so I've found" and slang like "blowed" unless you are convinced that you can make it work. Also, I thought the repetition of "there comes a time" was grating ... consider a less common expression to drive your point toward its target.

Just an opinion.

Jim

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

2 posted 2000-09-06 05:00 PM

Jim said it right. I tried to follow this, wanted to follow it, sensing that it has something to say, but I still haven't had it said to me. Tell the story man!

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