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Critical Analysis #1
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Pain
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Pain |
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newbieauthor12 Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 14 |
Pain Every day I am tormented by my peers They rip and tear at my mental fabric with finely sharpened words They feast upon my anguish with shear joy And every day I picture myself I see myself destroying those who wish to harvest my pain But in the visons I am not destroying their souls I am physically tearing them apart And as I fall through the morals and ideals that I thought were once secure I grope for a reason not to let myself go Something to hold onto before I plummet through the vary foundation of my life |
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| © Copyright 2000 newbieauthor12 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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newbieauthor12 Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 14 |
actually i think i am going to change the title. I am having a tough time fitting a title to this one, have any suggestions? |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
newbie: Not sure how to approach this one. It would help me to know that this is a hypothetical situation ... that this poem is not about you thinking these thoughts. Even so, the idea of contemplating an act of violence, especially considering relatively recent school tragedies, is enough to make me tend toward looking at this poem with disfavor. While I see the absurdity of the thought process illustrated in your poem, I do not think you intended to display the absurdity in plain view. I think your poem would be more effective if you shifted the focus from the cruel peers to the distructive thinking of the "victim" of the peers' berating, exposing the irrational nature of the speaker's thinking. Just an opinion. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 08-04-2000).] |
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newbieauthor12 Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 14 |
I thought i would get one of these reactions. To tell you the truth I don't know if this is hypothetical. However i don't know why you would disfavor it. It does not advocate their actions or anything of that nature. It just shows what they might have been going through. |
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newbieauthor12 Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 14 |
oh yah and my intention was to make the peers apear out of line not the speaker. So i would rather not change that, for it would change the meanging of the poem |
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acidic angel Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 12winnipeg, canada |
although your language and everything is quite good... i don't especially like the general theme of this poem. you said that you were trying to portray the peers as the bad ones.. and although you do get this across.. i think the general outcome is that you're showing yourself as the bad one. one line... 'I am physically tearing them apart' you also said that you didn't quite understand the reasoning behind anyones distaste for high school violence being a topic of a poem. one of those reasons would most likely be how apparent these tragedies are these days. maybe i'm bias.. but i tend to take these issues a little too seriously. (you have no idea how much stress and fear was caused in my high school last year. if you've heard of taber, alberta and what happened in a high school there i'm sure you'll understand my reasoning a little better.) |
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newbieauthor12 Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 14 |
I understand why this is a sensitive subject. I am just trying to put a face on the reason why they happened. Afterall the only way to prevent something is to understand it. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
But you haven't put a face on this controversial and deserving theme yet. You talk around the pain, and then have the speaker wish physical violence upon the attackers. This just doesn't work. What about writing a poem where words take on an actual concrete presence in the poem; the speaker is physically hurt by these 'weapons'? I would avoid the reference to peers and provide a more surreal landscape in order to deal with the ideas you wish to pursue. Right now, you are too close to the newspapers to give your theme the full weight it deserves. Also, I would avoid any references for 'revenge' in a direct way - maybe have the speaker learn the arts of magic (language) so that he can deal with the attackers on thier own ground. Remember, we are dealing with language; this is our playground, our turf. I am not happy with any poem that argues that a poet cannot stand his ground with ignorant brutes on our turf.  Just some suggestions, Brad |
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newbieauthor12 Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 14 |
I am afraid that a person in this situation does not think about fighting back mentally they think about physical violence. So i feel that it would be unrealistic to make the person in this poem do otherwise. also i have decided that pain is not the right title for this one. As for the other suggestions i will take them to heart. |
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Amethyst New Member
since 2000-07-25
Posts 7 |
I can relate, but I tried to extend love mentally and in my vision hoping it would heal the pain they send to me.I consoled myself but saying I am going to look beyond thier pain becasue the problem is not mine but their own. Amethyst |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
newbie, This one brought me out of hiding. I voiced my opinion on this subject recently in a peice I wrote for the paper for which I work. The spin of the story was based on "Rival" a song off of Pearl Jam's latest release Binaural. The song stirred up quite a bit of controversy because, just as you have done here, they looked at this kind of peer antagonized violence through the eyes of the scorned perpetrators(sp?). The idea is a good one provided the issue is given enough weight. Perhaps consider delving into the psyche of the charachter a little more deeply. As far as actually condoning any action of this sort,of course,I don't. When dealing with any conflicting personalities violence is never an answer. One thing to remember is there will always be those individuals who derive pleasure from bullying and oppressing the people around them. One cannot simply go off on everyone he/she comes into contact with. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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