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Critical Analysis #1
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wordancer
Senior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 809
VA

0 posted 2000-08-01 07:37 AM


walking with pensive mournful stride
it appears that I blindly pace the city
wearing my blank face as a robe, covering
the need to protect my empathetic soul;
all think that I think not, about what I see,
comprehension lances to the core of my heart
with the knowledge of what a prison, the city can be;
incarceration, compression--world's forsaken ones;
entanglement and estrangement of all,
surface perception--misunderstanding;

mind of my hand reaches out
pale ghost not to be seen
as it blends with the lambent air
with a touch that is not there;
I dare not feel, for I fear what I am;
the one who longs to ease the pain
knowing that it would not be enough;
if I lance my long white throat and bleed
at your naked black feet, would this redeem
the pain buried deep in the lines of your hands
generations of sorrow and anguish
undermining numbness, lost of one;
what can I offer? besides the fact that I see
the tears that wash the shores of mankind
for a thousand years of endless tides,
erosion of all civilization in the name of greed;
what can I say? besides the fact,
that I can't say that I understand,
when knowing that my understanding
is incomprehensible that I should care;
I see the knowledge of your laughter
at my audacity that I would know what
your pain is as you step over my aching mind;
covering the need to protect my empathetic soul
is my blank face that I wear as a robe
as it appears that I blindly pace the city
walking with pensive mournful stride


© Copyright 2000 Beverly A. Tift - All Rights Reserved
allan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620
On the road
1 posted 2000-08-01 03:32 PM


Sorry, I'm no good at analysis - just wanted to say I've been there too - so much pain, but it eases, it does ease...
wordancer
Senior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 809
VA
2 posted 2000-08-01 08:53 PM


allan, by the fact that you stop here and told me that you see what I was saying, that in itself works very well for me.  I find that even if someone tells what they see or feel, either what I intended or perhaps something that I didn't intend, helps me view my words more critically and makes for a better poem.  Also I found it really helps to have someone question what I'm trying tosay which helps me to dig deeper into the words to make myself clearer.  Thanks.

Lady Nogs

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