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I Have Turned Young (rewrite)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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I Have Turned Young (rewrite) |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada 
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Now that I've turned young, when will the Justason girl's married time allow her to ever kiss me, never caring that the clock's ticking because love was stuck in her budding breasts, while our lips locked. But I know with the time gone plumb crazy that the bell of youth still rings. Why would I say I am old here musing in the office with my coffee black, steaming in my hand, blue-eyed behind glasses - thinking thoughts of pretty types, dyed dark rooted hair that makes an impression upon old friends I see - I have turned young. [This message has been edited by ethome (edited 07-31-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
ethome: I like this. It has a sincere "voice" and has some interesting lyrical lines ("Now that I've turned young ... love / was stuck in her budding breasts / while our lips locked ... thinking thoughts of pretty types", for a few examples). I am curious as to why you chose to break your lines the way you did in many places. During my first read I found the line breaks distracting. Interesting poem, ethome. Jim |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Why does a poet do things like this....humm Well, a friend of mine is acting rather silly right now, so I thought, if I use a different style I might impress this message on him and any other reader. I hope that this might magnify the futility of his current crazy endeavours. You know the old cliche...can't see the forest for the tress. Well, that's him right now. |
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calamity jane New Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 4 |
this is going to be a completely anal comment...sorry  but I read it through twice and both times I came stuck on this....the clocks ticking because love was stuck in her budding breasts, I think maybe it would seem more real if love was stuck in her budding breast (singular) just a thought....although now I have read it again I guess I could apply it to love being stuck between two budding breasts elements of song of solomon there |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I wanted to say..lust..it just did'nt ring right with me. |
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