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Critical Analysis #1

Dirt

newbieauthor12
Junior Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 14

0 posted 2000-07-31 06:05 AM

My teeth are dirty
I scour them
I scrape them to the nerve
Yet they are still dirty

My friends say they are fine
But I know the truth
My teeth disgust them
They want me to clean my teeth

So I clean them
I exorcise the plaque with fire
I destroy the demons with bleach
But when I look in the mirror I see dirt

I do this over and over
My gums bleed and my teeth scream for death

Then I cry
As I look in the mirror
And my teeth are still dirty

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-07-31 01:07 PM

newbie,

Excellent example of a dysmorphic disorder, with perhaps a bit of OCD thrown in...could mean so many things.

Now...try to examine why...add those feelings.

Enjoyed,
Kris

the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

2 posted 2000-07-31 07:10 PM

hi newbie! welcome to CA. i really liked this actually. i think the simplicity with which it is expressed gives it a starker harsher feel, which suits it. only thing, i dont quite like this line

Yet they are still dirty

cant exactly put my finger on why. also, see if you can play around with adding a few more words that mean "dirty". like filthy, grimy, whatever. i think that might really add to your poem.

luv Elyse

allan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-09

Posts 620
On the road

3 posted 2000-08-03 03:07 PM

I wasn't tooooo sure about this one 'till the end - then the absurdity hit! Thanks for giving me the best laugh in quite a while. 'Love the deadpan... LOL

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