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Critical Analysis #1
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Implicit Complicity.
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Implicit Complicity. |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
In an unguarded moment of lapse/guards on collapse, I was dissed. For days I've bin pissed! On account of a hallway encounter/ with overtones of undertones of: 'you bon't belong here go back yonder' Implicit complicity to a truce brokered in the name of peace now lay in ruins/ a homocide at noon. I was ambushed by the Philistines at the junction of the function of the getting of my daily bread, it being 'mine' since I was the one who planted it/ instead. They stand in my stead and disregard the pain that they bred in fields of cotton can't-be-cane fertelized by the blood of my ancestors veins and nutured by the screams of my sisters taken in pain! The stench of these vultures rise from the stacks of so called corporate cultures, attempting to suffocate the children in an acid reign of terror disguised in garbs of civility... blended with the score of bell curve philosophy & dressed up as that clown called EOE. I was dissed in their attempt to get one up on me/ but I stay one step ahead of that game in a place called free. Dissed & pissed but still remaining me. YeshuJah*_ |
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| © Copyright 2000 YeshuJah Malikk - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
YeshuJah, "Staying one step ahead" I can see your point about 'remaining me' but the earlier descriptions seem to suggest that cultural identity has been obliterated. Perhaps slightly too much overload in ideas. I liked the form. One thing to watch is the way in which the reader gives more stress to the final word in a line - this poem is more powerful when some important word is there. eg collapse/vultures/screams etc. compare to 'so' etc. Is this poem specifically about oppression in South America? Overall I thought the poem was good, sharp, and effective. With this sort of a poem though I recognise the difficulty in expressing vast occurences in history while not getting too diffuse. I think you could maybe make the poem even more limited - maybe only refer to these events as they directly impact on the narrator-but make those events the embodiment of a moment of history or cultural consciousness. Good work. -Tim |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I like the way you did this! I think for the most part you succeeded in what you tried to accomplish here. Like to see poets take chances. I enjoyed this, very much! |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Tim, sorry about the late reply. Glad you read and commented on the poem. I see your point about the difussion of the poem- about the obliteration of cultural identity. The character does not give this up. The shattered peace was just a truce. Endured for what it supposedly can offer. And no, this is about the good old US of A, though this type of thing happens all over the world. The reference to EOE is the give away. Thanks for the comments. Marq, thanks for reading the poem. I'm glad you thought it good. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
YeshuJah: I think this is a strong piece of work in spite of the typos.  By "EOE" I am assuming you mean "Equal Opportunity in Employment" and I think the narrator was "pissed" about being "dissed" for not getting the job he might have gotten had he been a "Philistine". I enjoyed the poem and will surely enjoy it after reading it again in a minute. Thoroughly enjoyed "acid reign of terror" (even though there were no guillatines). Well done. Jim |
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Jounney Agent New Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 3 |
I dug it. Especially the biblical references of the Philistines as corporate americans. Peace,love & universal understanding. Journey Agent. |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Jim, thanks for reading the poem and for your comments. Agent. Thanks for the read also. |
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