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Critical Analysis #1

verse for a lonly day

Jose Marti
Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 374
washing DC

0 posted 2000-07-29 02:48 PM

I love you,
as the wind loves the sea,
as the palm trees love the soil,
as the sand loves the waves.

I hope to remain,
attached to you forever.
as is the reef with the coral
or like coconuts to their tree.

So if you're lonley,
and you should chance to see,
a palm, a coral,
or just coconuts on a tree,

then you're not really alone.
Just remember this verse,
and remember me.

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

1 posted 2000-07-29 10:24 PM

Jose, this is my first time reading a poem from you. Welcome. I won't jump to any hasty conclusions regarding your style. But honestly. I think you could say the same thing in a far more engaging way. Try not using words that are overused. I know you can do it. Just try. I'll look for more.

Jose Marti
Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 374
washing DC

2 posted 2000-07-30 02:11 AM

Sorry, I'l try to do better next time. At least all of my friends like it.

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