My love, forever

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Critical Analysis #1

My love, forever

jamesjiao
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon

0 posted 2000-07-28 09:19 PM

I could feel the cold in
This bleak room,
Severing my bones and
Full of gloom.

But why was my heart
Feeling so frigid,
When the warmth of your hands
Subsided.

Frozen there you lied
Unaware of my emotion,
No longer could I hide
Deepest of my contrition.

Desperately, I implored
your eyes for forgiveness,
Blankly, came their reply,
So icy and expressionless.

Inside me where you lived,
Where my heart could reach,
I knew you would listen
To my rueful speech.

Rested in your bosom, I
Closed my eyes sensing,
For once, I heard not
your young heart beating.

Our journey, you said,
Never ended here;
And our dream, you said,
Never grew bare.

Tenderly I whispered
I shall never ever
Leave you alone again
And my love, forever.

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

1 posted 2000-07-30 12:14 PM

Hey there.. ok, I have read this again, and again, and actually, I can't find anything to comment on in this forum, hehe.. maybe others will have more success in helping you.. ^_^
Your use of rhyme here is much better, NONE of your rhymes sound 'forced'.. so well done ^_^

I really like this one James.. very well written..

Lynne

"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu

jamesjiao
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon

2 posted 2000-07-30 01:24 AM

thank you, Lynne..

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.

kelli
Junior Member

since 2000-07-31

Posts 10
washington

3 posted 2000-07-31 01:20 PM

The poem sounds so sad but it made me happy. I don't understand why. Well, I loved is all I can really say about it. I think that i'll be reading your poem several times.

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