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Critical Analysis #1

Darkness

Great Below
Junior Member

since 2001-07-17

Posts 13
Massachusetts, USA

0 posted 2001-07-20 07:05 PM

Darkness

It is the pathway
Into nothing
Into emptiness
And a timeless hell
It will take you
Graciously...
Into its world,
And wrap you within
The deepest recesses
Of its soul,
As it forage's,
On your life...
And on the strength of
Your determination.
It's just the place to turn to
When you've no other place to go,
It won't reject you,
Because of a former past,
That is unknown.
And it knows no boundaries,
No truth’s, nor lies,
Stereotypes or colors,
It is one with itself.
It accepts your fears
And opens its arms willingly,
Just to embrace you,
As you sob away your heart.
And it memorizes
Your soul
While
It feeds on you,
Just to make you bleed...
To end a hunger
That is everlasting.

Janette

Member Elite

since 2001-07-20

Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now

1 posted 2001-07-22 03:15 PM

Great Below,

This poem is spellbinding...so riveting...very powerful!

My only suggestion is to possibly seperate it into "stanzas."

This way the reader can absorb your powerful statements into smaller bites, making them easier to digest.

Great work! Bravo!

Janette

**lost**
Junior Member

since 2001-07-16

Posts 32
ma

2 posted 2001-07-22 04:25 PM

Jeremy,
Very powerful words. I've always been envious of your poetry, though only few are posted. The only thing I'd like to say is that i think the absence of capital letters or only on vital words may make it more powerful.

confused among strangers,
lost amongst myself.
**lost**

FaeryKynn
Junior Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 10
Sanatoga, PA, USA

3 posted 2001-07-23 03:02 AM

Wow! i like that a lot ::turns green in envy of your talent:: as i was reading i got kind of spiraling feeling and thought it would be interesting to arrange the lines that way... ::bows graciously:: thank you for the read ::scampers off to find more of your poems::

If our fingers touch and hearts collide... I'll be a moonsbreath by your side

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