»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Elemental Therapy
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Elemental Therapy |
|
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elemental Therapy So depressing, words written, (moments of despair) poor advice for living, i know. But still . . . . . . Wham her hand across my face a wrecking ball that gives and takes . . . . . . i must and have. But, after 2 readings, one by day, one by night. i've decided, this destructive pathos must be released. Scribbled sheets struggle into the fire, and for at least a breath i just breathe. forrest 2000 [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 07-26-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 O. Forrest Cain - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Oh yes I see what you mean. I will not be trite and point out your spelling mistakes. I have grown to accept them as part of your poetry. I enjoyed the poem it is different in an abstract way dealing with illness and the recognition that the moment is all we have. Beyond that is non-existant. At least that is how it hit me. James |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Thanks for reading. Basically I'm saying escape can sometimes wear many masks and prozac isn't always the best choice. sometimes dealing with extraneous problems is a better route to take. Though we all have our baggage, we must live present and future, as well the past. The elements drugs=escape from whatever and fire=dealing with the now. The least breath refers to getting out of your own head, no matter how briefly, as a starting point to healing. What mispelled words? forrest [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 07-24-2000).] |
||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi forrest! this seemed a little disjointed to me. you talk about two things, the drug stuff and the writing stuff, and they hardly connect at all. Antidepressant drug market sure to rise. Currency exchanged, based on sheer speculation, anticipation,that happiness lies, caught like a genie in an alchemists jar. this whole section seems a little random. See, just look at the lines leading up to it Poetry reviewed by critical sources, feelings confirmed. i know im this big fan of "say without saying" but, i need a smidge more connection than this. or maybe if you did something to intentionally set it off from the rest, it'd work better. So depressing words written, (moments of despair), id nix the "so". it seems, well, strange the way it is. i cant explain why. if you want to keep "so", i suggest a comma after depressing, and a "these" or "those". and this is just me, but im not a big fan of the comma after the ( ). Poetry reviewed by critical sources, feelings confirmed. something about combining "reviewed" and "critical" seems odd to me. its probably just me. also, what feelings are these? we havent seen feelings before, we were just talking about words. After 2 readings, one by day, one by night. i've decided, this destructive pathos has got to cease. Scribbled sheets struggle into the fire, and for at least a breath i just breathe i love this part  i think in fact, it could be a poem on its own, with maybe a line or two preceding to set the scene. just somthing to think about luv Elyse |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elyse thanks for your input. I truly value your reviews and agree this poem is disjointed and vaque. I hope the above changes clarifies the intent. forrest [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 07-25-2000).] |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Forrest: Long time no critique (sorry about that ... I'm trying to redeem myself). I agree with Elyse about the last stanza ... the poem really builds momentum and I think your ending is a good one. By reading Elyse's comment I can sort of reconstruct the original poem. The original first stanza is a bit random and disjointed (good observations, Elyse) by omitting the stanza (or the idea behind the stanza) in its entirety leaves you with very little introduction. I think you should develop the tension in the poem first before you let out your exhale. Enjoyed the poem, Forrest. Jim |
||
|
mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Forrest In the process of doing some catching up...better late then never if I've learned anything to date, I just typed a cliche lolI'm having a little problem relating, not cuz I don't understand the poem but cuz I've never been depressed to a point of medication. I have a habit of dealing with things head on, what can't be changed, will be, what can be changed have yet to be done. One thing I do understand though, when feeling down, writing is a very good form of therapy, gets things out without being destructive to others or to yourself. liked it Forrest debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi Forrest, I liked the poem, though, IMHO, I would change the form a little. Regarding writing as therapy...I believe wholeheartedly in it, and have conducted a class in just that. The poem's last few lines depict relief some can feel after putting their feelings onto paper. For some reason...I'm not sure why, writing by hand works much better than typing. Sorry to go on, Forrest...nice work, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
