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Tired Wife.
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Tired Wife. |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Her eyes seemed tired. All the time. No longer knowing the joy of being glad; no longer did they savor nor anticipate the pangs of being had just for the lustful sake of it. It had become all so tiresome, wearisome, burdensome. But he never noticed, and they never noticed. No! All they ever saw was the good job she was doing with the kids. God! She wasn't even in love anymore. At nights she'd lie still while he relieved himself upon that place that used to be. Love. It was all such a bloody bore, she felt like his caged whore. She loved her kids but it was just that she hadn't had a life since they came along. Her time no longer belonged to her, nor him for that matter. She was sure he was having an affair or had had one in the past but she could not even muster the strength to care any more; to want to settle the score. God knows how many nights she'd stared at him, at them, and contemplated the unthinkable; a homicidal solution. Tired! Tired! Tired! Was she of diapers, whining voices, skinned knees, and doctor's trips! He had this smug look when he returned from work everyday; wore it like one of his overpriced neckties. The bloody slob! He had a life, he had his friends, his brand new Benz! Her heart was ripped. Many nights she'd cry herself to sleep. But she could not leave, nor did she plan to leave. She was trapped by her vows and the smile in her children's voices. . If only she could do it all over again. If only. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Hi Yesh Humm .. I have to say this wasn't my favourite piece of yours for three reasons: Firstly .. I couldn't really see anything other than a rather stereotype story here. Poor overworked, misunderstood wasted housewife, uncaring selfish husband. Nothing wrong with using a well aired scenario perhaps, but for me, your poem didn't bring anything new to what is no doubt a very sad and common situation .. Secondly .. this was entirely one-sided. Too one-sided in my view. I'm not talking about right and wrongs here, but the reality is surely that situations such as you describe are never simple and your poem very much gives the impression of simplicity. Had you chosen to write in the first person then the believability would perhaps have been enhanced, but throughout this piece I was looking for some twist or angle or new perspective (possibly a glimpse at the husband's feelings) which never came ... Thirdly .. some of the imagery is quite compelling but again, to be honest, most does not seem to me to be particularly new sorry to be so negative Yesh, but you set yourself a high standard with your other posts and I guess my expectations have been raised....lol ......  waiting for your next....!! philip |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Philip, I try not to see comments as negative. I'd rather take a hard look at what the other person is saying. And guess what? I agree with you. This is an oldddddd piece of mine. I never read it anywhere and never posted it either. I just wanted to see the response I'd get on it. I think I can safely say that there's been some improvement in my writing. Thanks for the read and the response. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
HA HA ..i see ..a test ...lol  ....thanks for taking what i said in such a constructive manner Yesh.... see ya! philip |
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