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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Curvature From point to bounds beyond imagination, Our universe expands, or so they say; A subject due our somber contemplation. From point to bounds beyond imagination, But if sufficient matter's in creation It surely all comes crashing back one day. From point to bounds beyond imagination, Our universe expands, or so they say. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
another of these triolet thingies? ... rather a neat .. even fun little poem i thought pete .. the thing i liked best was the ironic counterpoint of this one line: "A subject due our somber contemplation" with the grand ideas of the rest of the poem .. is it really gonna make the slightest difference whether mankind somberly contemplates these things or not?!!.....lol nice little humourous touch thanks philip |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
youre so good at doing non-annoying repetition. its so hard. this was a cute peice, and you have a point. but hey, we'll all be stone cold by then, so in the mean time lets all get loose and party!   luv Elyse |
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notlikely2 Member
since 2000-06-16
Posts 308UK |
How many of us have puzzled over the question..."Where does it all end....and what lies beyond?" Although it may not matter to us as individuals, it is in the very nature of mankind to contemplate such things. Drives you nuts doesn't it? |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Philip, I really wasn't going to do any more of these but Brad and Jim jumped right in so I thought I should at least throw out one more quickie  Actually I didn't even see the counterpoint you found. Very astute of you. I guess it really doesn't make much difference does it? But I think we will contemplate such things whether it affects us or not. (See NL2's reply above.) Well, thanks for reading and commenting.Elyse, Thanks for you comment. I am truly pleased to be non-annoying today. In truth, I'm not so sure I really have a point but it is fun to try to sound important or at least knowledgeable. Anyway, I think you have an outstanding idea there in "get loose and party." (But please define loose if possible within the constraints of this forum  )NL2, You are right about the inquisitive nature of mankind. And it's a good thing that is the case. There are far too many things we just wouldn't know otherwise. And thanks much for reading and commenting. pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Pete yes that's kind what i meant actually .. the idea that man continually thinks about and contemplates things that he can't possibly do anything about!! waste of time??? that's where i saw the irony and humour i suppose... lol but now you tell me that: "it's a good thing that is the case. There are far too many things we just wouldn't know otherwise" and maybe you're right ! p |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Yep, Philip, I understood right off to what you referred.  My answer to you was intended to point out the multitude of useful inventions and discoveries which have come about while the creator was thinking of something essentially different. One obvious example: what nature of computer would you likely be using for this forum now if Kennedy and Nixon had not been so determined to beat the Russians to the moon?But don't worry too much on your last statement. I am seldom if ever right Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Pete: Okay ... you hooked me on these triolet things. I liked this one and agree with Elyse that you were able to control the repetition of the poem (rather than the repetition controlling the poem). Enjoyed the theme. No problems with the structure. I suppose you've left me short-winded with this one. Philip: Shame on you! If nobody contemplated such things then sci-fi movies would be exceedingly dull and we'd all think such things as public television are interesting ... ummm ... almost forgot ... all of your TV programming over there is public television ... sorry. Later guys. Again, liked the poem, Pete. Jim |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
pete yes .. whether you like it or not you are right of course ... however the words you actually use in the third line, to an Englishman, evoke a kind of ironic humour ..i've been giving some thought as to why this should be so and now I'm delighted to say I know the answer ...lol.. it's Gilbert and Sullivan !! Your line and the context in which it's set is pure G & S (comic operetta in case you don't know )in fact i'm pretty sure that:"A subject due our somber contemplation." is almost verbatim from "the Pirates of Penzance" ..or it could be "The Gondoliers" ... i think it may occur in or about the song which goes: (Police conceal themselves in aisle. As they do so, the Pirates, with RUTH and FREDERIC, are seen appearing at ruined window. They enter cautiously, and come down stage on tiptoe. SAMUEL is laden with burglarious tools and pistols, etc.) CHORUS--PIRATES PIRATES: (very loud) With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal; In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel. No sound at all! We never speak a word; A fly's foot-fall Would be distinctly heard-- POLICE: (softly) Tarantara, tarantara! PIRATES: So stealthily the pirate creeps, While all the household soundly sleeps. Come, friends, who plough the sea, Truce to navigation; Take another station; Let's vary piracee With a little burglaree! Come, friends, who plough the sea, Truce to navigation; Take another station; Let's vary piracee With a little burglaree! SAMUEL: (distributing implements to various members of the gang) Here's your crowbar and your centrebit, Your life-preserver -- you may want to hit! Your silent matches, your dark lantern seize, Take your file and your skeletonic keys. POLICE: Tarantara! PIRATES: With cat-like tread POLICE: Tarantara! PIRATES: In silence dread, (Enter KING, FREDERIC and RUTH) ALL (fortissimo). With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal; In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel. No sound at all! We never speak a word; A fly's foot-fall Would be distinctly heard-- Come, friends, who plough the sea, Truce to navigation; Take another station; Let's vary piracee With a little burglaree! With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal; In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel. or maybe not: possibly just after this from HMS Pinafore: When I was a lad I served a term As office boy to an Attorney's firm I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor And I polished up the handle of the big front door I polished up that handle so successfully That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy As office boy I made such a mark That they gave me the post of a junior clerk I served the writs with a smile so bland And I copied all the letters in a big round hand I copied all the letters in a hand so free That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy In serving writs I made such a name That an articled clerk I soon became I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit For the Pass Examination at the Institute And that Pass Examination did so well for me That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip That they took me into the partnership And that junior partnership I ween Was the only ship that I ever had seen But that kind of ship so suited me That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy I grew so rich that I was sent By a pocket borough into Parliament I always voted at my Party's call And I never thought of thinking for myself at all I thought so little, they rewarded me By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navy Now, landsmen all, whoever you may be If you want to rise to the top of the tree If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool Be careful to be guided by this golden rule Stick close to your desks and never go to sea And you all may be Rulers of the Queen's Navy anyway whatever ... its the same sort of humour as far as i'm concerned and thats why i found it intruiging .... and when i have time i really will find the song with your line in it...lol and jim .. do you really want to get into the English v. American TV debate .. if you do you must be more suicidal than i thought ... !! oh and btw jim go check out the English Forum for a bit more on the TV feud ... see ya p [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-19-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Gawd Philip, where and how do you come up with this stuff, my friend?  Now I'm just ROTFLMAO Thanks much, Pete |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
WOW! thats very impressive philip! now, can you tell me which was the "modern major general" song and how the rest of it goes? i bet you can luv Elyse |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, to continue the discussion of songs as well as British TV, here's a good example of both at the same time for you. Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatree. On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered scones for tea. I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, And hang around in bars. I chop down trees, I wear high heels, Suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie Just like my dear papa. Cheers all |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Okay ... I will admit that British TV finds some small redemption in the immortal Benny Hill ... and I quote: Jack and Jill went up the hill and hickory-dickory dock Mary had a little lamb and the doctor died of shock! For some reason this has been lodged in my memory for 20 or so years ... geesh! Jim |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Pete and Jim ... oh sooooooooo hilarious ..the US answer to Morcambe and Wise ... or should that be Cleese and Milligan ... (actually Benny Hill was incomparable) ..Elyse you like G & S ..lol!!!! "I am the very Model of a Modern Major General I've ..something ..something ...something ...animal and mineral .. da di di di di da di da di da da di di da da da di da di da da da di da di di di di da da da ...." umm can't remember much !!......i shall dig out my libretto..and be back ... heh heh P |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
here ya go ...lol... Pirates of Penzance again ... now if Brad will just get audio sorted i could sing it to you ... ...GENERAL: I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. ALL: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. GENERAL: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General. GENERAL: I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's; I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous; I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes! Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore. ALL: And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore. And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore. And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore. GENERAL: Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General. GENERAL: In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin", When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat", When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery-- In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy, You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. ALL: You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. ALL: But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I need to spend some more time here. Looks like I missed out on some fun stuff. Pete, I liked the poem. I think these things are addicting. The repetition is so seductive, you know you can get something great out of it but it just never seems to be quite right. Brad |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
That's a good observation Brad. I think the real challenge is to try to play down the fact that the repetition is there and so dominant. One possible trick seems to be making it logically flow in units of 4 and 4 lines instead of 3, 3 and 2 which seems much easier. Try to make lines 1, 4 and 7 not all start a thought or speech unit. I really pushed this idea in "Relativity". Hope it worked. Just an idea and don't know how good it is. What are your thoughts? Pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
umm.. yes Pete ... play it down ..or indeed if you can pull off a good enough line .. do just the opposite and build it up !! what i think maybe you have to avoid is the middle ground - a kind of wishy washy neither one nor the other ... that's where the repetition is sufficiently intrusive to be noticed but not sufficiently interesting to stave off boredom ! these things are short enough .. maybe even i could finish one ..lol... P [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-21-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Sorry Philip but judging from some of your recent responses, I don't believe you can write anything short  But, I think you also have a very valid observation here when you suggest either play up or play down, depending on the content of the repeating line. Thanks for the thoughts. Pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
hummphh !! (that short enough for ya? ) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
hummphh !! (that short enough for ya? ) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
ooops .. caught out by my own cleverness .. and a slipped finger .....  |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Philip, you never cease to amaze me with the succinctness, appropriateness and cleverness of your remarks  Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 07-21-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
why do i get the feeling someone else is trying to steal the mantle of "most idiotic jester in the forum"?  (PS smoking is bad for you pete ) |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
yay! thanx so much, i know ill be going around babbling about the square of the hypoteneuse all day now im starting to get huffy with pete. i have been toiling ever so hard and have yet to be able to construct a troilet. bah! grrr. perhaps these tips will help...but then again luv Elyse ps, if i catch either one of you boys smoking again on school grounds im gonna beat the tar out of ya. so there. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Square of the hypoteneuse. Gads, what a fabulous idea for a new triolet. I already have another one for today but I'll start working on that ASAP. Sorry about smoking on the grounds. I know it's not healthy and it won't happen again Thanks, Pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
OMIGOD what HAVE I done............ triolet, triangles, hypotenuse, Pythagoras .. this looks ominous ! I can see the time fast approaching when the day's postings in CA consist entirely of these pesky little poems ....  P |
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Clara Junior Member
since 2000-05-27
Posts 21England, but moving to Sweden this year |
*laughs softly and shakes her head* It certainly seems that a lot more fun is had here than I knew. Been too busy to spend much time here, but I think I will have to MAKE time from now on, if only I can work out how lol. I enjoyed the poem too, which I guess is even more important huh? Clara The quiet lil English one |
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