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The Picture Box
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Picture Box |
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ANonnyMouse New Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 6St. Louis MO USA |
She handed him the box. "Take the pictures you want. I'll keep the others." He walked into the den, settled it next to his hip. Sitting back, he closed his eyes, took cleansing breaths from moments gathered in corners; they'd come too far to turn back. It was done, just get it over. Latest pictures on top; mountainous piles of fat red and yellow pouches. Snaps from the Fourth, his mom holding court from the porch, watermelon seeds spit at sodden white plates, charred hot dogs in tatters by the three-legged race. Twin's birthday party--- that year they both needed front teeth. Good thing nobody took shots of teeth clenched on tongues; Kids might've seen it; they didn't need to know grown-ups could snipe petty peeves. Let them think parents had big reasons to quit. That wasn't quite false, it was more than one fight, one angry day. Children should remember things happy. Let her have the ones from their wedding. All that smiling, bulbs flashing like paparazzi after headlines. She's glowing in these, gentle laugh filtering through all the places he guarded from easy attack. His eyes closed again, but still he heard. This picture of him, he'd take that, he remembered what he'd been thinking; she was sitting there looking at him, him looking at her, just them in the room. There she was, in the mirror behind him, in front of him, all around; the others were make-believe playmates, they alone together and real. Carefully, he rose, stacks fell from his lap. She sat in the kitchen, coffee cup cold in her hands. He laid the picture beside her. "I want us both to have this one. Together. Please. Can we try? It's not right, being apart. Can we try?" She looked at her cup, took a deep breath. He squatted beside her, put a hand on the table. Her eyes rose to his, trembling fingers slid over their picture to touch him. Ruth |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ruth McCracken - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Oh how I love a story with a (maybe) happy ending. This was very well written and the emotions spread nicely. Good word choices and arrangement. I really liked it, but don't take my reviews (except I really liked it} to serious because I'm the village idiot. Very enjoyable your friend forrest |
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ANonnyMouse New Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 6St. Louis MO USA |
Thank you Forrest, I do appreciate the kind words. My problem is that I like it too, but I'm not really sure who wrote it. Whoever it was used my keyboard and my fingers, but it doesn't feel like anything I would write, not that I have written much poetry--I have tried some recently, but it was nothing like this, so I don't know where this one came from. To coin a bad cliche, it 'wrote itself.' And I don't trust that one little bit. I would love to live in any village where you were the resident 'idiot' because it would have to be a village of wonderful folk! Thank you for reading and commenting.  Ruth |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Ruth First let me welcome you to CA I agree with Forrest, this is a lovely poem from beginning to end. A lot of love showed through in each line and you didn't even use the word 'love' once... I look forward to reading more poems as you post them. Debbie Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
This was a very nice piece. As I read the poem I stopped to ponder the recent death of my Father-In-Law and how sad my Mother-In-Law was now that her life mate was gone. When two people split and they are still in love it is though they morn each others death. That would be a tragedy. You must have let your inner self write this one. You must have become one with the poem. Maybe you could write a book and call it "Zen and the art of poetry". Nice work. Village idiot's brother James |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi ANonyMouse! i liked the ending of this especially. hard to beleive you dont write that many poems, this one is pretty good. your third stanza is a little confusing. its this part i think they didn't need to know grown-ups could snipe petty peeves. Let them think parents had big reasons to quit. im a big fan of vagueness and hinting and implying, but i think this is a little too vague. i think maybe "quit" doesnt sit right with me, it doesnt seem quite right for the truth of the matter. maybe i dont know what im talking about. im not sure about "snipe" there either, i keep wanting to read "swap" if that tells you anything. a good read though, luv Elyse |
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ANonnyMouse New Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 6St. Louis MO USA |
Hi, good people. Thank you for reading this. mysticharm, thanks for the welcome, and the words--and for noticing that I avoided some of the vague words! *L* I just wish I were sure I could do this again! Brother James--I have one of those too! I happen to believe that a lot of people who shouldn't, split over things they could have worked out if they had stopped to remember what brought them together to begin with. Sometimes, divorce is inevitable, but I think that a lot of them are bigger mistakes than the marriage was. For some reason, that spilled out onto my keyboard. Zen, I suppose, but I'd sure like to know why it took this long to hit! And why it's not more reliable!! Elyse, thanks for commenting. "Quit" to me is the essence of why people split up--they quit, they stop thinking of themselves as together, as a team, and start thinking as isolated individuals who are being somehow short-changed by their differences. And that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because they have quit trying to be together. Their glass became half-empty, and it's draining fast. (And I don't think I am explaining this well. It takes a long time for words to accumulate around a meaning for me!) As to 'snipe petty peeves'--it is an experiment for the sake of the sound, partially, but I also want something to imply the use of words and complaints as weapons, and 'snipe' insisted that it was the word to use! I can tell it to go away if too many folks have trouble with it; my experiments don't always work out. I do them for a living, I'm used to that! I am kinda fond of this one though, so I hope it won't prove to be a case of my weird brain-waves getting lost in the translation--again. Thank you all once more for commenting. One of these days I will be able to think of something sufficiently constructive to say about the other poems here. I comment when I think it might help, and I haven't thought of anything that fits that yet. Y'all don't seem to need my help! *LOL* Ruth |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ruth Welcome to CA .. its late here so i've printed this out to read tonight .. back over the weekend .. don't take any notice of Forrest btw when he denigrates himself ..just read his poetry for the true picture .. ignore the spelling tho  later philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-07-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Thank you for the read. So many times, I read this type of poem, begging, aching, for a shift or turn -- a movement, a chance, a hope -- and I am always left unsatisfied. This poem is extremely powerful in that it does just that. A magnificent achievement given that you focus on the usual looking at picture scene (it's actually a standard workshop exercise) and still you get passed the static nature of the picture itself. Excellent poem. Now, I'm not saying that a poem should have a happy ending. I'm just arguing for movement and this one is a splendid example. I must be getting sappy because it actually brought tears to my eyes. Brad |
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ANonnyMouse New Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 6St. Louis MO USA |
Thanks again folks, for the welcome and comments. Phil, I appreciate the tip about Forrest, but I had figured that out. And if he were the village idiot, it would be one mighty fine village, now wouldn't it? Brad, you leave me speechless (well, maybe not speechless). Somehow I seem to have 'got it' with this, because you and everybody else apparently heard what I was trying to say. I still don't really know how I feel about that, because I am not used to it. I've never participated in any writing workshops of any variety, but I'm glad to know I dodged the bullet on the dreaded 'done to death' syndrome, at least for you. I was certainly trying to do that, but I wasn't sure I had. I'm working on something else--when I have it in a shape I like, I'll see if 'The Picture Box' is a candidate for The Journal of Irreproducible Results, or not. (I'm crossing my fingers. And wondering if I'm not too old for the uncertainty--I thought I knew who I was!!!) Enough of my agonizing. I hope you guys post something I can (sorta, in my own way) help you with. I will keep reading! Thanks everyone, again. I think I like it here!!! Ruth |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ruth Brad seems to suggest that this had a kind of unpredictability (i may be wrong becoz i generally am where he is concerned), but when i first started reading it i must admit i sighed a bit and thought "here we go again" .. another: Husband and wife decided to split - division of chattels - come to photo box - memories rekindled - nostalgia sets in - tears flow - reconciliation inevitable ....... type of poem ... straight outta Hollywood ....lol.... I have to say that it was purely and simply the WAY you wrote it that kept me interested, and though for me the ending wasn't a surprised, there is no doubt you have a talent for "storytelling" which can bring newness to all subjects however cliche or oft read .. My favourite bit: "She's glowing in these, gentle laugh filtering through all the places he guarded from easy attack" second fav bit: "from moments gathered in corners" also loved the whole of the detailed second stanza. two places where i thought, "I heard that before": "they'd come too far to turn back. It was done, just get it over." and: "Children should remember things happy." but i dunno whether that matters. your comments about "could snipe petty peeves" set me thinking about that word "snipe" ... i think you have a nice little twist going there actually ... as well as the obvious words and complaints as weapons you might also perhaps reflect that snipe implies that the person doing the shooting is hidden or disguised... ie shooting from cover from camouflage .. I think this is often exactly what we tend to try to do when sending out verbal bullets in an argument .. we seek to protect ourselves by hiding or disguising our true feelings and emotions while attacking the other person often covertly .... quite often one of the main reasons arguments like this are so damaging ... we aren't prepared to expose ourselves to return fire ... an extremely apt choice of word in the circumstances i think... well done philip |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Philip, You're not wrong. I would love to see a page of Hollywood formula poems written this well. It's just that so many poems don't even reach that level. Brad |
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ANonnyMouse New Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 6St. Louis MO USA |
You folks will have to pardon me for a moment while I reel in my increasingly swelled head! Thanks for the commentary Phil, and the compliments. Believe me, I knew as I wrote it that it was a very 'done to death' story; that the lines you pointed out were among the most used for the story line, although I would surely love to have some idea of how to say them in any other convincing way. One of the things I want to do is to write something clearly understandable, in at least apparently simple terms. I know it is exceedingly difficult to write so that words seem to fall organically where they belong, but that is what I would like to do. The real trick is to do it interestingly as well. It seems that I managed it--this time. I appreciate what you said about 'snipe' too, because that was exactly what I was thinking. I think. I really am still flabbergasted by this piece. Thank you all for making it so much fun to be flummoxed! < !signature--> Ruth [This message has been edited by ANonnyMouse (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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