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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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ossachile New Member
since 1999-09-07
Posts 6Philadelphia, PA, USA |
This life, it bears little more than a wisp of meaning. This empty crude life. Nothing can prepare us for the coming of the dawn. (Perhaps that is why we sleep through the night.) This vain, unforgiving memory. It is a shame it will never pass. Like the shadows of a curtain, being draped upon my life, it is there, only forgotten. Everything stays the same. The only thing that has changed over all these years has been me. The solemnity of my life. The harshness and cruelty of others, reaped upon me because they can't bear themselves. Their meaningless lives. They sit in silence, grasping onto whatever defenses they have, to forget why they were put on this earth. They drown their thoughts in music, never realizing that the words touch their souls, a feat which I hope to accomplish. Never comprehending the true meaning. Life. It is there. It pleads to be set free. Not to linger until they are about to pass, to be realized, to be put to use throughout their lives. To help them through even the toughest of times... Never hidden... Never forgotten... Never disregarded. It lifts the burden of a thousand years. Nothing is so desperate as the plea of the soul. To be seen, to be recognized as being part of you, as being something that, once lost, can never be replaced. Something so vital, that it should never be toyed with. Something that should burn within. The light of the body. The fuel of the mind. The beating of the heart. The soul within. Life itself. To stimulate the mind is wonderful, but to touch the soul is something so glorious, mere words can not contain the feeling within. ----------------------------- I would appreciate your thoughts on my work. This is probably going to be the beginning of a novel, but I'm not to sure. I might rework it into a poem. Thanks... Jane [This message has been edited by ossachile (edited 09-07-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 ossachile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Please see my comments on your earlier post. They apply here as well. You may disagree with me, but vague pronouncements on life and meaning, well, have very little meaning for me. It seems you're an existentialist at times. an anti-existentialist at others. Without a stronger context to place these feelings, I am unsure what you are trying to accomplish. Pet peeve: your last line. If mere words cannot describe what you are trying to say then why are you using them? Keep writing, Brad |
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ossachile New Member
since 1999-09-07
Posts 6Philadelphia, PA, USA |
Juat to clear up a few things here, this is not a poem... It is the beginning of a novel. The feelings are explained more in the next part of the story. And I'm not trying to explain what was dealt with in the last line. It is just something I wrote for the story, but haven't had the chance to work on it yet. It has nothing to do with life in general, but with my own life. Anyway, thank you for commenting, I will try to fix it. |
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