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Memories of you
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Memories of you |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Memories Of You I hear your voice beyond silent moonlight The lonely whippoorwills cry in the night Your shadow falls whispering your name I walk the halls shuffling through the pain Two sad and lonely rivers flowing down my cheeks Oceans of tears can't bring you back to me Your empty stare told me the truth No one was there when I looked at you Something was gone something remained I must go on so will the pain Two sad and lonely rivers flowing down my cheeks Oceans of tears can't bring you back to me My lonely heart stumbles along The music plays I can't hear the song I search to find what used to be Memories of you is all I can see Two sad and lonely rivers flowing down my cheeks Oceans of tears can't bring you back to me James Cain 2000 [This message has been edited by eldridgejackson (edited 06-22-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 eldridgejackson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Touching, moving, sad... I liked the repetive refrain, but some of the stanza's read a bit forced... All in all, I like it. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP "Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Tanks JP actually this is a song. I usually do Hillbilly Country stuff but Forrest talked me into trying to get more poetic with it. This is my first poetic song. Forrest when you read this go to your hot mail account delete your accumulated email because you are over the limit and cannot recieve any mail. Probably because I sent you some photos. Read your mail before you delete it though. LOL [This message has been edited by eldridgejackson (edited 06-22-2000).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
EJ, quite well done, thank you for sharing... Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
james of the many names, when will you pick and stick to one?  anyway, it is generally my opinion that songs make bad poems and poems make bad songs. normally i wouldnt like the repetition of those two lines like that, but being a song i can understand it. a question though - what does it mean to hear something behind moonlight? you're mixing two senses here, and it just sounds funky. i could say more, but being as it's a song, i understand why.luv Elyse |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Well Elyse I have set outside at night looking at the Moon and if a person is dead they are beyond the moon. And If I hear their voice then It is beyond the moonlight that is silent. Abstract I agree. Thanks for the comments. James |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Nice piece I say it`s time we started experimenting with different abstractions not to take anything away from elyse`s always relevent observations. But lets create something new, something definitley better than rap. I sure wish elyse would teach me to spell. forrest |
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