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Dear Katie
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Dear Katie |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada 
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  "Dear Katie" Silently I stand alone, staring out to sea. Teardrops falling on the note, you left for me to read. It said "Dear Katie, please forgive me, hurting you was not my plan. I just can't remain here with you, please try and understand. I can't betray what's in my heart, I'm married to the sea. You need a man to be here for you, and Katie, that man, is just not me.  My mistress is the ocean deep, as far as your eyes can see. With the ocean breeze to fill my sails, my life, my love, will always be the sea. Katie, I'm no good for you, like the sea, I can't be tamed. You deserve a man who will give you love, and fulfill your every dream. As I set sail with the rising tide, and drift slowly out to sea. I have only one request of you, Dear Katie, please forgive me." Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unknown [This message has been edited by mysticharm (edited 06-21-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Debbie McLellan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 A very sentimental poem about a lover who has another mistress. I just thank God that it didn't turn out to be lighthousejill.Just one possible correction in the second stanza where your poem reads: It said, "Dear Kattie, please forgive me, hurting you was not plan. I belive a word needs to proceed plan or plan needs to be in past tense. I like your poem and Great graphics! Bob <>< |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi lighthousebob Thanks for letting me know about my error and your kind comments  Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
mysticcharm I can relate to your strong passion for the sea/adventure and your poem was well written and done with honest intention, but I swear their`s not enough water in the known universe to keep me away from a good woman. I liked the theme and the bitter/sweet choices we must make at times. Meaning you have to make your best bad choice at times. Who knows. Look forward to your next posting forrest |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Bonjour Forrest I'm chuckling to myself thinking of how many men did wish their wives were an ocean away.  I'm glad you liked it. Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I really enjoyed this. Very lyrical! |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Poet I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
"...Brandy, you're a fine girl. What a good wife you would be. But my life, my love, my lady... is the sea..." Good poem! Reminded me of that song.... very well done (I love the ship!) Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP "Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
I enjoyed the poem. lighthousebob. I got out my Guitar and it could almost be a song. with a few changes here and there. I think I would leave out just in this line. and Katie, that man, is just not me. I sometimes wish my wife was just a small pond away but don't tell her that. James Cain aka eldridgejackson |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hi eldridgejackson when I wrote the poem I didn't have music in mind but it could be interesting. PSST! Your secret is safe with everyone here Hi JP I'll have to hunt the song down and listen to it to refresh my memory...what's the title? I like the ship too, if ever my ship does come in I hope it's as shiney as this one  [This message has been edited by mysticharm (edited 06-22-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Sorry, but this didn't really work for me. I think the main problem here is a lack of any real tension or build-up. You tell me what's going on in the first stanza and repeat it in the second. I would think about dropping the latter section and rewriting this from the woman's point of view (maybe make her pregnant). Also, think about using a more repetetive style -- kind of like waves crashing on the beach or something. Just an opinion, Brad [This message has been edited by Brad (edited 06-23-2000).] |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Brad I can understand why you feel the first part is lacking....have you ever watched a movie and it seems as if your watching the end instead of the beginning. That's what I'm trying to attempt to do, with "Dear Katie" and "Dear Zach". There are eight other poems in this trilogy which fill everything in....thats where I hope the tension and build-up will come in. Don't worry the sound effects will be coming It would take all the fun out of the story if I gave everything away in the first two poems. Thanks for you opinion Brad and hopefully if you follow the story you'll come to like my method of madness.  Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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