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Critical Analysis #1
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Side by Side by Side
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Side by Side by Side |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road 
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Fast Fwd >> "What did you say?" I said. "I said I spoke." You said. << Rewind We kissed on the step when I walked you home I breathed your perfume I felt your hair on my cheek and felt complete inside. Fast Fwd >> "Did you?" "No." "Why not?" "I don't know." "Why not?" "?!" << Rewind I take you to the movies with a twinge of fear I can only think of you Beside me, so gently near. Fast Fwd >> We walked down the aisle Side by side. Together. Us two. Smile on smile on smile. Forever... Fast Fwd >> You leave for work with a peck on the cheek Such a cold cheek and gone. A distant ache catches my heart. I wonder what went wrong. Fast Fwd >> I'm not me anymore. You are not you. I say "I love you" to satisfy your pride. But I lied. I lied. I lied. I shout. You shout. I hate. You hate. We cry and cry inside. When I said "My love is forever." I didn't know I lied. Forever was so short for our love. We parted our bond of body and mind And denied. denied. denied. _ |_| Stop We stand and look with empty eyes at the corpse of our love and the distance so wide. And now the tears fall And the heart is sore. Now that it's too late we let down our pride We look deep in tear-filled eyes. Side by side by side. | | Pause Play > Maybe we could have been other. Maybe we could have tried. But someway a darker world crept deeper and deeper inside. But we still see each other every now and then. And we talk so easy. Gentle now. As friends. Side by side by side. [This message has been edited by allan (edited 06-13-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
Well expressed for something is lost in a hurry. Its so bad and painful in the end...funny I guess in the end evrything works out...as a friend or more than that..whatever it is...just take it as it was meant to be that way only..good and innovative read and it was a nice cassette...side by side..funny read...I appreciate that Sincerely A_L |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
wow allan, i really, really liked this! I think its the form, the use of the ffwe, rwd stuff, i found that to be very creative and original, and really added to the peice. i even like the >>s and the <  luv Elyse [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 06-13-2000).] |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
what the crap!? ok, um, so i dont know what happened to that last reply, i tried to edit it and it didnt work, luckily i copied the text and shall try to repost it. what i said was, wow allan, i really, really liked this! I think its the form, the use of the ffwd, rwd stuff, i found that to be very creative and original, and really added to the peice. i even like the >>s and such, except, i might consider not doing the box for "stop". it could be like more of a dead halt, even with the illustrations. just a thought. fabulous, fabulous job luv Elyse [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 06-13-2000).] |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
What a great way to record a relationship between two people over a period of time! I thought it was very original and the format made it interesting and readable. We walked down the aisle Side by side. Together. Us two. Smile on smile on smile. I loved this stanza and the way that you repeated three words in several areas of the poem. I understood rewind to be past and fast forward to be future, so was stop the present? Anyway, just wanted to tell you that I thought it was very fun to read! Debbie |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thanks all! yes, I wasn't totally convinced about the stop square Elyse - it also proved impossible to create properly. (The concept of the video player got a bit confused about this point!) 'Nice to get an overall positive response on this one... allan |
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Jan Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 114 |
This is such a great piece. I loved what you did with the fast-forward/rewind. This poem touched me on such a personal level. It will be remembered. |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
This poem is shockingly good. I am really impressed. I love the comparison between the excitement at the beginning and the tedium at the end, and also the repetitive feature (and the tape stuff, of course!) Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Jan & lotharingia, Thank you both very much. I am very pleased the poem worked for you. There are always choices to make and i left various things out but i was pleased in the end with the result. I think it is one of the most painful and sad experiences you can have. But even after all the pain sometimes something beautiful can still remain. |
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