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Critical Analysis #1
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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA 
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I stood on a franc yet it was not mine I was that crooked theif No better than dirty swine Chimney sweep was his occupation This young roaming sage while I was transforming I robbed a pauper of his wage Yet I knew not of my crime until I awoke from my slumber Off he ran in tears As I was lost on fallen lumber I am now a Mayor and a entrepeneur That person in Valjean is gone And riches line my petticoat To that Lad my wealth to him be undone. I may have taken on a new identity and I may be a rich man till I die. Yet A battle rages in my innermost being The question is, "Really, who am I?" |
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| © Copyright 1999 jfreak - All Rights Reserved | |||
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
 wow J! Love it! It is very interesting! of course the real question is always "who am I" and of course you have to look deep within yourself to find the answer! Keep writing! I love your work!! Love Always ~*~Jessica~*~  "Love is the product of our discontentment with ourselves." "Bleeding hearts release tears of fire" "work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt,and live everyday as if it's your last" |
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gothicmoth Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 89 |
24601 I don't have any criticism for this, constructive or otherwise. Other than I loved it and it's better than Cliff Notes. And I happen to have that musical in the cd player a lot lately. Great work. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
jfreak-- the first line was pretty interesting, but you start to have problems with your meter in lines 3 and 4, they read very awkwardly to me after the snappy first two lines. ("thief" is misspelled, btw.) the meter throughout the piece is all over the place, actually, which i find really disrupts the flow of the piece; it's usually best to establish a regular meter if you're going to rhyme. and if you're going to rhyme, you shouldn't the rhymes dictate content and force you into awkward syntax, like "Yet I knew not of my crime / until I awoke from my slumber / Off he ran in tears / As I was lost on fallen lumber" or "To that Lad my wealth to him be undone." and do you really think the speaker here, a man, would wear a petticoat??? i think you have an interesting idea here (and most times that's more than half the battle, lol), but, if it's going to be a poem in rhyme (which, of course, it doesn't have to be) you might want to consider evening out the flow of the lines, establishing a regular pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables in each. just my opinion, of course. jenni |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
Really intriguing idea here. Conscience can hunt some down, but many of those who have done wrong and then become successful, or who build their riches at other's expense I am sure feel no guilt at all. Err. And sorry I couldn't make any useful comments!  Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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