»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Footpath of Fate
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Footpath of Fate |
|
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
|
This is my assignment for the June Poetry Workshop ... but no one has been there in days, so I thought I'd commit the ultimate sin and cross post. Footing lost, foolishly I stumble, Knowing not that fate, now fallow, Has misplaced my providence. I again come upon the same weary, white twin birches, The bark pulled back on both, Exposing the raw realism of their dying existence. I place my foot into the print in the dirt, Sadly, a perfect fit... I sit, slumped, in the center of the path, Pondering... Do I dare to stand, take steps forward, Towards dismissing deceptive direction, Around obtrusive obstuctions, And allow fate to find me once again, Guide me through this gauntlet, Onto paths lined with laurel, The leaves glistening, Softly rustling on summer breeze, Whispering subtly, Of realized reality, Of singularity, Of a chosen path. Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
||
| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Kris, Looks like I get to be first  I'm this is an extremely well done extended metaphor (learned that in the workshop a few months ago), but I think I'll wait for someone who knows more to point out the deeper meaning. It does seem to speak of the circularity and repeatability of life in general. But even if that interpretation is completely off base, I like the poem just for waht it says literally.But, if I recall properly the June assignment was alliteration. I didn't participate in that one for lack of time (and interest, honestly). I think this technique can be very difficult to control. I have used it very little and probably with very limited success. Much of the time it is just too obvious, overused to the point of abuse. Your implementation, however, is very subtle. It's all there, in abundance, but in such a way as to be almost not noticeable. After reading, the reaction is, now what was it about the wording that was so interesting? Then you go back and study to find your clever use of words and word tricks. Very well done. Pete |
||
|
Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Hi Kris, I also posted in the poetry workshop but I must say that your example of alliteration is much better than mine! Very nice, but is it alliteration or assonance? I am having trouble determining which is which, so I wrote one of each! I especially loved this stanza, I place my foot into the print in the dirt, Sadly, a perfect fit... I sit, slumped, in the center of the path, Pondering... Good job on your poem! Debbie |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi Pete, My, my...I'm blushing.  You are usually complimentary in your replies, but this ... well, I hope I deserve it. You are correct about the circularity. I'm so glad to see you back into the "thick" of things here. You must be feeling soooo much better (I hope). And you're back to your ole' sweet self...I'm so glad. Thanks for the reply full of praise. Debbie, This is alliteration...assonance is the repetition of vowel sounds, and onomatopoeia is the use of words imitating the sound. I'll have to go to the workshop and check yours out. I thank you for reading and taking the time to comment so positively. Thanks again to you both, Kris [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 06-14-2000).] |
||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi Kris! havent got much time, but i liked this. i think you created a great musicality, and some nice depth to it Towards dismissing deceptive direction, Around obtrusive obstuctions, these two lines seem a little blatantly alliterative, and its so subtle and skillful in the rest of the poem, i thought they stuck out. bye for now! luv Elyse |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
warmhrt very well done and well crafted. I think it must take a good bit of time to marry words this well. I`m not much of a critic but I know what I like. And I liked this. Thanks for the pleasant read. forrest [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 06-15-2000).] |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Elyse and Forrest, I thank you both for reading, and yes, Elyse, I agree that those two lines were blatant alliteration, You should see my other one in Poetry Workshop, along with some of the other posts! A lesson in alliteration often brings out a bevy of similar sounding consonants, sometimes in a comical concoction. Forrest, thanks so much for your kind comments. Kris< !signature--> the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 06-14-2000).] |
||
|
jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
hi kris-- i thought this was very good. i had a problem with the same lines elyse mentioned, and the footing/foolishly/fate/fallow in the opening lines, but then, i'm not a big fan of alliteration, really. still, i enjoyed this piece alot, especially the last six lines, very well done. thanks for sharing this with us! jenni |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I promised myself I was going to get to your poem today (it seems like I missed the last few). Anyway, I enjoyed this and yes the alliteration was too much to take but I'm also a big fan of experiments in general. I would think you might let this cool off for a few months and then try a rewrite. I liked: The leaves glistening, Softly rustling on summer breeze, Whispering subtly, --has a nice, cool feel to it. Simple but elegant. I place my foot into the print in the dirt, Sadly, a perfect fit... I sit, slumped, in the center of the path, Pondering... --I would think about dropping sadly but, otherwise, I liked the image presented here (shades of Frost). Things I didn't like: Exposing the raw realism of their dying existence. --you moved into the telling instead of the showing. Of realized reality, Of singularity, Of a chosen path. --I think if you just dropped the first and third lines here, you might create a more powerful punch at the end but that's just my opinion. Brad |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
