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The Poet Speaks
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Poet Speaks |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
The Poet Speaks The poet speaks of Love and lovely things -- Of beauty, charm and life -- and hopes it's known By all who hear, the love with which he sings In words of raw emotion, sung alone. He bleeds his essence for these works of praise, Through unrelenting drive, yet just a token, In flawed belief impassioned prayers might raise His hopes. But words like that cannot be spoken. He'll not succumb but, with old dreamers, dream Of fairer times and, by his pen, coerce His words to serve this unremitting theme, Forever forging thoughts of Love in verse. To passion still the wishful poet clings, Composing rhymes of Love and lovely things. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
pete! i much like this poem  especailly the repetition in the first and last lines, and "with dreamers dream" the only thing i have to offer is, you only use the one enjambed line, and it's a little strange to break the nice musicality you hae otherwise created. i think it's because it comews smack in the middle of the peice that it seems so odd. to me at least  fine job!luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi Pete, Perfectly lovely, this sonnet of love and lovely things. This is more like the Pete I know...I knew he was in there somewhere. So lovely is this that it almost makes me want to write a sonnet...I loved the last three lines especially. Very nice work, Pete, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
pete-- it occurs to me that i've been remiss in welcoming you back, so... welcome back! i thought this was a lovely sonnet, and reading it made me realize just how much you have been missed around here. thanks for sharing this with us! jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 06-14-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Elyse, Thanks for commenting and for the compliment I'm glad you liked the repetition. This poem actually started out as something quite different (although similar) but I found that I liked the last line enough to want it repeated. Sooo, back to the pen to rewrite and create this.As for the enjambment, to me, it seems to contain more than the one you pointed out, although the others are not as obvious (or blatant) as that one. Line 2 runs on into 3. Line 7 runs on into 8, as you said. And then line 9 runs on into 10 and 10 into 11. So each quatrain has some enjambment. I hope I'm not too far off base on this. Kris, Talk about undeserved praise  Surely you exagerate. But Thank you anyway Now as to your writing a sonnet. I can hardly wait. I seems to recall that your previous sonnets were outstanding. I do hope you will make the effort again Jenni, It's really good to hear from you again. I must say, it is good to be back. I missed you guys too much. It feels good to hear that I was missed a little also I'm glad you enjoyed the poem BTW.Thanks Ladies, Pete OBTW, I forgot to give credit to Robert Schumann for the title. Thanks Bob [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 06-14-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like the way this flows and the repetition of the first line. Really, I do. I can put up with words like 'love' or whatever when they are used well -- like here. But, you know, this reminds an awful lot of something else you wrote -- I just can't remember what. Anyway, just to keep my reputation intact here are some problem lines to work on: Through unrelenting drive, yet just a token, In flawed belief impassioned prayers might raise --lost some of the rhythm here but it returns a little later. Thanks for the nice read. Brad |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Thanks Brad, For reading and commenting. Also thanks for the compliment. If you only found a small problem with 2 lines, I take that as a compliment. As to reminding you of something I wrote before, I can't think what it might be, unless you are thinkint of "The Piano Player". Thanks again for reading. Pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
pete sorry to be so long getting to this - I've been away ... i agree with the others it is indeed beautiful .. i don't have any problem with the second line that brad mentions, but "Through unrelenting drive, yet just a token" departs from strict pentameter does it not? in that it includes the extra unstressed syllable "en" ... this however is matched by exactly the same effect in the next rhyming line "His hopes. But words like that cannot be spoken" and is therefore i assume a deliberate little device to relieve the sometimes monotonous iambic pentameter ...... not that your poem is in anyway in need of that kind of relief pete ...lol ..... in fact i think the small variation simply adds to what is already a very nice sonnet....Philip |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Thanks Philip, There doesn't seem to be much interest in sonnets these days but I will continue my meager attempts to keep the form visible. I have always been a little less than satisfied with the line in question, "Through unrelenting drive, yet just a token," because of the sound of unrelenting drive. Drive just seems like the right meaning with the wrong sound. But I seem to have a mental block against fixing it. Every alternate wording I tried wither sounded worse or conveyed a different meaning. I guess I could use a little help here  Now for token and spoken, as Jim would point out, "these are feminine endings, an acceptable variation". I really enjoy slipping one in occasionally, as you say, to break the monotony I think you'll find that I have done so with some consistency in the past.Well, thanks again for commenting. I'm really pleased that you liked it. Pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LOL...oh yes ..forgive me of course !!....... the famous bouder "acceptable variation" ... .... i suppose he'd say that i'm an "unacceptable variation" or should that be deviation ..lolP |
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