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Critical Analysis #1
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Unseen Things
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Unseen Things |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Unseen Things Have you ever watched a blind man see. First turning his head this way then that. What is it he see`s when he tilts his head , behind his eyelids I mean. The images are they the same as mine or yours. Things long forgotten The curves of a pretty girl. The rainbow colors after a splash of shower. A drifting feather spiraling down against a puff of wind. Motionless astride a leafless limb a bright red cardinal sits in perfect silence. His head canted back listening to the blind...he sees`s and warbles a perfect note. Then lifts his wings to the sky. And floats away. forrest cain 2000 [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 06-19-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 O. Forrest Cain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Very nice Bro. I could just see Stevie Wonder at the park listening to the sounds of the animals. Nice work. EJames |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
eldridge jackson thanks for your comments stevie wonder was a very good analogy of how we compensate for lost sences. The bird well I guess he was just special. thanks forest |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Bonjour Forrest Tres Bien (very good). Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unknown |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 It seems like this blind man has gone to the birds? No, really Forrest I love your special poem. God has provided someone for everyone. Please forgive me, I'm still comming out of the "outhouse." With all the visual that this poem details, I am glad that you leave us with a note of good cheer.Bob <>< |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Lighthousebob sure glad you have such a good since of humor. I most certainly thank you for your kind comments and look forward to more of your poetry. Your friend forrest |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
forrest! some nice things in this. i have to suggest a couple cuts though. to me, lines 3-9 arent really saying anything. id push them awayand stick with the first two lines, maybe a stanza break and a question mark? and then the rest of the poem, where you really get going. if you're married to that other stuff or still want some transition, think about paring down, and saying it more sideways. hope i make sense, luv Elyse |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elyse do you mean lines3,4,5,6,7,8,9, or just 3and 9 and where should I put the question mark. And I really hate being so uninformed but what do you mean by sideways. You know I have the greatest respect for your analysis, but you`re far beyond me in understanding the structure of poetry. So please, please be patient with me. Your a joy to know. luv forrest |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
i meant 3,4,5,6,7,8,9. and by sideways, i meant non-directly, more implying less statement. dont worry, sideways is hardly a recognized term. im always making up words to convey what i mean. its so non-concrete a thing ya know? luv Elyse |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elyse your very sideways personality is what makes you so beautiful. Alas I`m afraid if I remove all those lines there will be nothing left. I`m going to keep pondering it. I only spent five minutes writing it as I watched a little cardinal try to swipe this blind mans big mac. He was eating outside of course. Thank you for your energies and patience with me. I have two poems one complete about my family ups/downs but the one I really want to nail will be called "Tell Me What Love Is." By this I mean God is love love is God type poem, not a hooters extravaganza. By the way have I had you sign a sexual harrassment release form. Your greatest fan forrest, my brother likes you to eldridge jackson. But don`t leave me for him he`s ugly and has bad breath. Later |
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