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Critical Analysis #1
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Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA

0 posted 2000-06-17 10:13 PM


Unseen Things

Have you ever watched
a blind man see.
First turning his head
this way then that.
What is it he see`s
when he tilts his head ,
behind his eyelids I mean.
The images are they the same
as mine or yours.
Things long forgotten
The curves of a pretty girl.
The rainbow colors
after a splash of shower.
A drifting feather spiraling down
against a puff of wind.
Motionless astride a leafless limb
a bright red cardinal sits
in perfect silence.
His head canted back listening
to the blind...he sees`s
and warbles a perfect note.
Then lifts his wings to the sky.
And floats away.

forrest cain
2000




[This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 06-19-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 O. Forrest Cain - All Rights Reserved
eldridgejackson
Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91

1 posted 2000-06-17 11:47 PM


Very nice Bro. I could just see Stevie Wonder at the park listening to the sounds of the animals. Nice work.

EJames

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
2 posted 2000-06-19 01:40 AM


eldridge jackson thanks for your comments
stevie wonder was a very good analogy
of how we compensate for lost sences. The
bird well I guess he was just special.

thanks forest

mysticharm
Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189
Canada
3 posted 2000-06-19 03:51 AM


Bonjour Forrest

Tres Bien (very good).



Never underestimate the Power of Purpose.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the 'Present'
unknown


Lighthousebob
Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725
California
4 posted 2000-06-19 04:11 AM


It seems like this blind man has gone to the birds?  No, really Forrest I love your special poem.  God has provided someone for everyone.  Please forgive me, I'm still comming out of the "outhouse."  With all the visual that this poem details, I am glad that you leave us with a note of good cheer.

Bob <><


Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
5 posted 2000-06-19 06:13 PM


Lighthousebob sure glad you have such a good since of humor. I most certainly thank you for your kind comments and look forward to
more of your poetry.

Your friend forrest

Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
6 posted 2000-06-19 06:30 PM


forrest!  some nice things in this. i have to suggest a couple cuts though.  to me, lines 3-9 arent really saying anything.  id push them awayand stick with the first two lines, maybe  a stanza break and a question mark? and then the rest of the poem, where you really get going.  if you're married to that other stuff or still want some transition, think about paring down, and saying it more sideways.  hope i make sense,
luv Elyse

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
7 posted 2000-06-19 08:18 PM


Elyse do you mean lines3,4,5,6,7,8,9, or just
3and 9 and where should I put the question mark. And I really hate being so uninformed but what do you mean by sideways. You know
I have the greatest respect for your analysis, but you`re far beyond me in understanding the structure of poetry.
So please, please be patient with me. Your a
joy to know.

luv forrest
  

Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
8 posted 2000-06-20 04:55 PM


i meant 3,4,5,6,7,8,9.  and by sideways, i meant non-directly, more implying less statement.  dont worry, sideways is hardly a recognized term.  im always making up words to convey what i mean.  its so non-concrete a thing ya know?  
luv Elyse

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
9 posted 2000-06-20 07:18 PM


Elyse your very sideways personality is what makes you so beautiful. Alas I`m afraid if I
remove all those lines there will be nothing left. I`m going to keep pondering it. I only spent five minutes writing it as I watched a little cardinal try to swipe this blind mans big mac. He was eating outside of course.
Thank you for your energies and patience with me. I have two poems one complete about
my family ups/downs but the one I really want to nail will be called "Tell Me What
Love Is." By this I mean God is love love is God type poem, not a hooters extravaganza.
By the way have I had you sign a sexual harrassment release form.

Your greatest fan
forrest, my brother likes you to
eldridge jackson. But don`t leave me for him he`s ugly and has bad breath. Later

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