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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada 
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Why are these heartaches still mine to control? No token room in the love chambers, stuffed with miseries. Inside, are weak embers smoking to dull the taste for sugared embrace. I choke on past dreams, from the rapid eyes. Those blue eyes of callous sphinx the faux pas of their collaborations expose them, unworthy. But in the dawning light nothing clandestine. Face value unchanged. Travelers speak, FM signals bounce. From an old yearning cursed with hope, my stone cold eyes search the room. Somewhere it's not winter and where the mobile hangs in the heat, warm breezes chime peace. Spare me the distance from heartache to the white flag where my mind and resources can't recover from better or worse. Celtrue2000@E3B1G9 |
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| © Copyright 2000 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ethome I was impressed with this. For me it falls into that category of poem which seems to hang in the edge of meaning - that uncertain area between nonsense and brilliance, so thin. A poet called Haze used to post here and had the same effect on me (where ARE ya O misty one? .. btw) The very fact that I was compelled to read it at least 10 times before I even realised I'd read it ten times indicates that the piece has something that many poems do not- that is an ability to grasp and hold attention .. to provoke further enquiry. I can't say even now that I've bottomed out your intent in every line, but then that's half the fun of a good poem - and i'm quite sure that this is a very good poem....  I guess the tomb allusions are the first thing that intrigued me (chambers, sphinx, old yearning cursed, stone cold eyes), but there are so many phrases in this which tantalise right from the very first line which in itself is interesting. For now I'm just going to have to say that you have succeeded magnificently in presenting a familiar message in a brand new and startling way, and this passage: "Somewhere it's not winter and where the mobile hangs in the heat, warm breezes chime peace. Spare me the distance from heartache to the white flag" was, in my opinion, as good a piece of writing as I've seen here for many a long while ... Don't go away Philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 06-12-2000).] |
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