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Critical Analysis #1
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I Had A Feeling
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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I Had A Feeling |
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swan Member
since 1999-07-19
Posts 58california, usa |
Without a sound I knew just what you wanted, and withen myself I knew that it was wrong. Behind the expression on your face I saw your true feelings, on that hot Fourth Of July night. I had a feeling that nothing would ever hurt me more than what you were about to say. I looked at you one last time as you quietly begged me to stay. I said, "we can't go back again, to what we knew before." You said, "I had a feeling I was out of luck." And then I closed the door. |
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| © Copyright 2000 swan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Joshua Garrett Junior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 21 |
I really like this poem alot. The way is flowed was very nice. For just a plain and simple nice poem I don't know why no one else posted replies either. That is one thing about this board I hate. Some poems don't get replies. Being a nice poem I would think someone else would reply to this and let swan and other poets what they thought. Sorry Swan that no one else relized the goodness in this poem...keep writting and never stop... -- Joshua Garrett |
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peppermint35 Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1106Texas, USA |
I enjoyed the message....so true and somewhat sad....you can't go back. I think you did a very good job with a difficult emotion to express with words. Keep it up!!! Peppermint Life is a Wheel |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You have the skeletal framework for a poem here but it's far too vague to elicit any real feeling from me. Try to get more in depth in detail, maybe some background and motivation, shoot for a stronger visual (or other sensory) trigger that brings the reader closer to you situation. Beware poems that anybody can put themselves into. You might consider reading some other poem around here if you're not sure what I mean. Just an opinion, Brad |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
swan-- i like the longer lines, it's refreshing to see. the first line flowed really well in perfect iambic pentameter (or i guess it'd be decimeter, actually, lol) with a little extra unstressed beat at "and" breaking up the middle of the line. the closing two lines, too, had a nice iambic rythym (sort of). the middles lines, though (especially the third line), didn't really have any kind of rythym to them, i thought, and hurt the flow overall (in my opinion). content-wise, yeah, i gotta agree with brad here. imagery (or, as brad says, visual or sensory triggers) can do a lot to bring a poem vividly to life. thanks for sharing this with us. jenni |
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