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The Hill
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Hill |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
The hill seemed so much larger then, so did my bike, my father, the world, my problems more intimidating, rounder, higher, more full. I imagined the hill was bloated with the children who failed the climb, swallowed up and paved over to hide their failures. My legs would ache and burn with the pain of youthful strength as each pedaling foot weaned slower with each passing foot pedaled. Though the summit was always visible, like glass jar cookies atop the fridge seen by the child without a chair, it seemed too far to conquer. The labor was beyond me. A newborn bird looking at the sky and exclaiming, “Oh my, is that what I must fly?” I would dismount my bike, A knight knowing his steed’s ambition is stronger than his own. walk along the side of the road hoping no one would see my failure and wondering when I would be paved over. Life seemed larger then, more intimidating, rounder, higher, more full. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Trevor Davis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
The initial references to things appearing larger to us in our childhood is a comfortable reference and it sets the scene well for this poem which I think is about the fear of failure. What I don't understand, though, is the reference made at the very end when you say, "Life seemed larger then, more intimidating, rounder, higher, more full." Are you saying that life was more fulfilling back then, or is the reference to full to be taken literally, as in full of big things...as if seen from a child's perspective? I like this poem because it addresses the need to be successful and the really 'way-out' things we think will happen to us when we fail (I imagined the hill was bloated with the children who failed the climb, swallowed up and paved over to hide their failures). Put in these words, from the little boy's perspective, we see that failure is not all that devastating really. We just think it is because we are more worried about the fact that others have seen us fail. I hope you don't mind this sort of critique. I am not really comfortable with critiquing the form of a poem. I feel more comfortable in addressing the reasons for things in the poem...the psychology behind the verses. I enjoyed your poem. It got me thinking. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Trev-vie-baby, Still in a good mood?  I hope so, cuz you're not gonna like what I have to say.  J/KI agree with things looking larger to a child, but vehemently disagree with problems, worries, etc. seeming larger to a child. Even if a child is worried about something, he is easily distracted from those problems. Assuming this was a child between 7 and 10 or 11, they are generally still egocentric, although it is slowly diminishing. They have not yet achieved Kohlberg's stage of "conventional moral development", where they would desire approval from those in their life and society in general. They are motivated intrinsically, meaning they want to do things for themselves, not for others. A child of this age would want to tackle that hill just to do it, that's all. They generally don't even think much about it. Of course, there are exceptions...children who have undergone extreme stress in their lives, or have emotional difficulties. "as each pedaling foot weaned slower with each passing foot pedaled." The above two lines were very descriptive, but too much of a tongue-twister ... intentional? "A newborn bird looking at the sky and exclaiming, “Oh my, is that what I must fly?” A knight knowing his steed’s ambition is stronger than his own" I really liked the above lines. They are signature Trevoresque analogies. I echo Jana's questioning of "rounder...more full", and reiterate my above argument when you state everything was more "intimidating". This time, I'm going to push you, Trev. I know (though this was good), that you are capable of so much more. Thanks for the read, Kris P.S. What kinda Canuck are you? You spelled "labor" American-style! < !signature--> the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 06-04-2000).] |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi trevor! its a bit late, as i just got back from spending all day and night graduation party hopping, so if words are left out of sentences, you'll know why. i thought this was interesting, but i didnt like the choppy-ness of the tiny stanzas. and, "as each pedaling foot weaned slower with each passing foot pedaled." ok, its probably just me, but i cnat figure out what this means. like, why "weaned", and i cant figure out the feet/pedaling thing. oh well, im dumd. i LOVE the knight lines. and i like the repetition of those lines at the end. gives it a circular and closed feel, and sice we;re in the past here, i like the effect. luv ELyse |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
I just assumed weaned was supposed to be waned, like a typo. Was I wrong? |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Trevor, Overall, I found this one interesting. It did remind me of childhood. I think Kris is probably right about worries not being such a big thing to a child. At least I must agree that they are easily distracted form such thoughts and their problems are more easily forgotten, at least temporarily. But, in any event, this didn't cause me any problem. I know it's just a personal thing but I found the visual format to be a little distracting. I don't have any suggestions but JMHO. Thanks, Pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Trev not one of my favourite of yours trev, but then you've set such a high expectation with your previous posts! i agree with pete that the format made it seem a little disjointed, and also for one of your pieces the imagery didn't seem quite up to standard!! .. still pretty good thought ...The idea was, in my opinion, the strongest element of the poem .. it rang very true and familiar and the metaphors were clever .. perhaps lacking the "little explosions" that many of your pieces have .. just an op philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 06-06-2000).] |
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