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Stepping Out
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Stepping Out |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
The words I spoke alone last night, Were full of anger, fear, and fright; I trembled and stumbled about While I embrased a moment of doubt, And knew that what you desired to hear Went something like, I love you dear. Though the night's air was warmly inviting, I had to stop for a moment of nail biting. The answer pressed to be answered immediatly, Though I went about the situation prudently. Weighing odds while pondering destiny And concluded i'd keep the rest of me. So I tucked sanity into my rugged hat And stepped into darkness, blind as a bat Written by: Hoppy 5-29-00 There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. -- Oscar Levant Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. -- Howard Aiken |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This may be the first couplet poem since Pope that I've actually enjoyed. You're playing with a 'light' theme and you seem to know it. Good for you. Your meter works very well in the beginning and I have no problems with the anapestic substitutions (it still reads well) -- maybe a bit too much substitution at the end -- kind of seems like you just got bored. Also, think you need to change 'blind as a bat' -- struggling with the rhyme and doesn't add to the poem. I did like the nail biting part -- thought it was cute. Overall, a fun read. Brad |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Hoppy: I agree with Brad that this is a fun read. I also have no problems with your use of anapestic substitutions in some of your lines (liberal as I am becoming in my old age) but thought, at times, that the some of the lines seemed built around the rhymes. I think this could stand another proof read to clean up some of the typos. I'm seeing considerable improvement in your writing, Hoppy. Keep it up. Jim |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
well i don't know what anapestic substitutions are(can someone enlighten me) but i do know that i have enjoyed this read....i love rhyming poems and think that this was very well done indeed   BTW,that is the "question" and not the "answer" that pressed to be answered immediately right |
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