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Speaks my master, my Lord(new style...does it work?)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Speaks my master, my Lord(new style...does it work?) |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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Words snide piercing mercilessly, like Cord tightening around my neck, suffocating me... |
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| © Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Snidy comments, piercing, strangling A deadly noose around my neck, Gasping for breath, I stay becalmed...and quietened... It worked, Kaile. btw, I just posted for your no "E" challenge in #7, hope that is what you expected... regards, sudhir< !signature--> Hey you, out there in the cold, Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisle, With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me? Hey you, don't help them to bury the light. Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own, Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me? Hey you, with your ear against the wall, Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home.... by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 05-29-2000).] |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
I've had that feeling... Debbie |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi kaile! this sounds like an excellent beginning, but im not a fan of 3 line poems. (have you been privy to my ranting on super short poems? i think i will spare you my lunacy  ) I think the connection between your verse and your title is still unclear, and with a little development, you could really say something cool. feel free (as always) to ignore me.luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Dear Elyse, this is modelled after a poem i have read recently Loving in Vain Waiting in the rain Nothing came; except the pain i was impressed with the use of the words "vain,rain and pain" and have tried to imitate his style here... Is it better if i change the title to Callous Lord Words snide piercing mercilessly, like Cord tightening around my neck suffocating me... |
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