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Critical Analysis #1

My lost love..

Lonelypoet
Member

since 2000-05-10

Posts 123
Conklin,NY,USA

0 posted 2000-05-20 12:29 PM

I've finally lost her,
there's no tomorrow for us,
there's only darkness now.
I will forever miss you,
I haven't said good-bye nor
shall I.
I will hold the bitterness
within like always.
I was never able to say I love
you because you've changed.
Good-bye...my love...

(posted yet again, but for critical analysis)

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2000-05-24 08:13 PM

Well, you asked for it.

First and foremost, don't expect the reader to understand your situation -- you haven't shown us what that situation is. Your use of vague words -- 'love', 'miss', 'darkness', 'lost', 'changed' leave the reader feeling left out. If you want me to put my life into this poem, it's difficult because my experience have been very different. That's no fun anyway when what I really want to do is read about your life.

Again, be careful with the repetition in such a short piece. I'd think about the 'letter' ending here and maybe try something else.

Let's see -- what else?

I was never able to say I love
you because you've changed.

This is quite simply impossible and grammatically incorrect. Watch those absolute terms.

Just an opinion,
Brad

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