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Reflective Love
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Reflective Love |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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Spat on to its surface to cleanse vigorously all the distortion of filth I pressed against its skin; frozen and lifeless or only maybe a cold shoulder of support. Its icy touch awakened a perverse pleasure. I am ashamed to admit I was aroused. An untarnished beauty dazzled before me, meekly moving closer for a clearer inspection, recognising it for the first time as my own reflection, gazing out from its polished face, with dark circles decorating its dreamy eyes. I stared envious of its flawless pale skin void of all the imperfections I noted of my own body. I kissed its ruby lips exhaling passion but it faded with my breath. I mourned its vanishing form for I wanted it to shine, for me alone. I did not want to touch fearing I would mutilate its perfection, given no choice my fingers traced softly revealing again its fluid outline. I cast down my eyes fearing its reaction. An eternity passed, I had to look up. I trembled nervously as our bodies touched. Its eyes reassured. It smiled warmly with a grace I could never possess, then guided me with passionate caresses, I submitted gently as its body flowed in erotic waves through me. |
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| © Copyright 2000 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lonelypoet Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 123Conklin,NY,USA |
A very erotic poem in my opinion but I think it's a good poem. Keep writing. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Thank you for your comment lonely poet. I guess it is sensual, but I don't think it is that erotic. The main reason I posted this is I think the poem is a bit weak in parts but I can not quite put my finger on it. So if any one has any helpful comments they would be greatly appreciated. "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? " Douglas Adams |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
brian-- this is quite an interesting piece, with a lot of good imagery. i think, though, that there is something not quite right with it, but i can't put my finger on it. i think perhaps it isn't clear what is doing the reflecting. at times, the poem suggests that the speaker is looking into a mirror, at other times, water, at other times another person (with a rather figurative reflection of the speaker). they don't really work well together, though; i don't see it as three possible interpretations, as they are somewhat mutually exclusive as you write it here. for example, most of the poem could be read as the speaker seeing his "reflection" in his or her lover's eyes, or "finding himself" in the face and expression of the beloved. but what to make, then of "Spat on to its surface to cleanse vigorously / all the distortion of filth / I pressed against its skin"? not a nice image there if the thing doing the reflecting is a loved one, lol. (the constant use of the pronoun "it" is also a little troubling, but perhaps necessary.) the spitting and cleaning say "mirror," to me, but if it is a mirror, what to make of lines like "I stared envious of its flawless pale skin / void of all the imperfections / I noted of my own body", or "I wanted it to shine, for me alone"? ok, maybe the speaker can see his own image in a mirror and realize for the first time that he is without whatever imperfections he believes he might have, but doesn't his own reflection in a mirror, by definition, shine for him, and only him? (anyway, the speaker talks about imperfections of his body, which WOULD be exactly reflected in a mirror.) so, what about water, then? it is suggested that the reflection may fade or vanish, and the speaker is afraid to touch it fearing he would "mutilate" the reflection (as in by causing ripples that destroy or distort the reflection). it is easier to see that the speaker's reflection in a pond, say, might not be as literal a reflection as in a mirror, making it seem like the reflection of a different, more "perfect" person, but again, you wouldn't spit onto the surface of a pond to "cleanse vigourously" any filth on the surface. anyway, i think the poem would be more effective if you picked a metaphorical scheme and stuck to it faithfully throughout. (i think you could have some ambiguity between water and a lover doing the reflecting.) perhaps just a little reworking of the first stanza and deletion of "untarnished" in the first line of the second) is all you need here. this really is an interesting and thought-provoking piece, though. thanks for sharing it with us. jenni |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Thanks Jenni for your comments, ok here is what was running through my mind when I wrote this. It is a mirror and the person is looking at themselves. At the start the mirror is dirty so the person cleans it to find his own reflection staring at him. What I was trying to get across was that when the person looked into the mirror he saw a perfect image of himself, something that was detached from his own self doubt and ugliness, and that there was something sensual in its perfection and the cold surface of the mirror. In the end he sinks into the image that is in the mirror/ in others becoming what he is reflected in himself. Thank you for your suggestions and comments. I shall look at it more closely see it I achieve what I wanted with the poem thanks. ------------------------ "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? " Douglas Adams. "Here chewing your tail is joy" Richey Edwards |
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Kirsty24 Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40Australia |
Brian, I loved your poem. It is different to anything that I have ever read and to what I write..  Keep up the good work  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Narcissus lives!!!!!! Brad PS sorry -- couldn't help myself. I'll try to get back to this later. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
LOL Brad,  I am not quite as bad as Narcissus, even if the poem might indict other wise. I mean just because I have ten mirrors in my room doesn't mean I am vain. I am just kidding in case any is wondering. ------------------------ "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? " Douglas Adams. "Here chewing your tail is joy" Richey Edwards "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto |
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