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I Love You !
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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I Love You ! |
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Casonova Junior Member
since 2000-04-29
Posts 35Mays Landing |
I love to hear you laugh, I love to hear your voice. I love to hold your hand, and help you make each choice. I love to see your smile. I love to hold you tight. I love to wallk with you, In the mornings early light. I love to feel your warmth; I love to feel your heart. I love to be there for you, So you don' fall apart. I love the things you say, I love the things you do I'll never turn you away. cause baby I Love You ! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Daniel R Cuellar - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Is this a song? For me, anyway, the 'I love you' get a bit old after awhile but I suppose it might work as a song. Think about break all that stuff up and an expanding on one of the specific scenes in your life. Don't let the form of the poem take over your vision. Just an opinion, Brad |
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KF New Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 8 |
this poem seems a like a cliche. the numerous repetition of "I love..." tends to make the reader lose interest. instead, i'd attempt to focus more on imagry. try to say "I love you" without saying it at all. describe the person, his/her attributes, etc. or even put it in third person and describe your relationship. just a thought, only an opinion. seems like it's a lucky person, though. KF |
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