Critical Analysis #1 |
Broken Promise |
mister61 Junior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 41bergen county, nj |
You heard me loud and clear, I know When I agreed that I should go And how I saw that you were right, That all we ever do is fight That things could never be the same And all that's left, an empty game Which neither one would win or lose With nothing left for us to choose And when you said it's time to quit, I lost the will to just admit To all the many tears I've cried For fear our bond would come untied Of course, I said, I know it too There's nothing left for us to do The time has come to say good-bye; To think I said I'd never lie [This message has been edited by mister61 (edited 08-21-99).] |
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© Copyright 1999 Harris Fleming - All Rights Reserved | |||
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You've got the meter down perfectly -- iambic tetrameter (this would be a good example in a class -- clear and easy to read). My problem with this piece is that you've made it take over your poem. You need to be more specific -- What were you arguing about? How long has this been going on? When did you have this conversation? What did she/he smell-taste-feel like? I need to see a poem to fully enjoy it and I have a hard time with this one. Thanks though, Brad |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Indeed the meter is perfect. As a more auditory person, the poem works well for me. I don't need the extra detail to garner the emotion here...you've done an excellent job at leaving something to the reader's imagination, and therefore his/her own interpretation of the piece. I agree with Brad that it is clear and easy to read. Good work. ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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Majere Junior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 32 |
I agree with Caroline (and Brad as well) perfect meter and scheme... the content was just perfect, leaving enough unsaid so those of us who may have been there - or somewhere similar, would know exactly what you meant. ------------------ Such is the way to immortality ;) |
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PartiStarks Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 38Brooklyn, NY |
Pretty poem. ------------------ |
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