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Why?
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Why? |
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UndyingLove Junior Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 23Bethany, OK, USA |
Why? Every time I look into your eyes, I know you'll always stay by my side. The more I see, you are my friend, And we'll be together until the end. I prayed that God would speak to you, And show you what He wanted for you. I've cared for you, through joy and pain, I want to know if you feel the same. Recently, things have started to change, And your actions started becoming strange. For possibly, without intention, You began to show me attention. You care for me in all I do, I seem to mean a lot to you. Why do you laugh with me In my times of joy and jubilee? And why do you seem to care When I feel like no one's there? You seem to want me by your side, And most of all, I want to know why. "Goodnight, sweet prince, and flights of angels guide thee to thy rest." -William Shakespeare, in "Hamlet" |
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| © Copyright 2000 Amy McPherson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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revolution Junior Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 20atlanta, GA, USA |
i see where you're going with this... hmm, to be quite honest, i am not a fan of the aabb rhyme scheme. i think when rhyme overpowers a poem rather than enhances a poem, it's time to dilute it. your meaning gets lost in the "friend/end, you/you." have you considered using a more intricate scheme to make it more subtle? |
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UndyingLove Junior Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 23Bethany, OK, USA |
Revolution, thanks for the reply. That is one reason I put this poem in the Critical Analysis forum. I am having problems in this area. Can you offer any suggestions? "Goodnight, sweet prince, and flights of angels guide thee to thy rest." -William Shakespeare, in "Hamlet" |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi! i think your couplet stanzas are much more powerful than the other ones. I would concentrate on that, on the seeming. maybe putting You care for me in all I do, I seem to mean a lot to you. at the begining of the poem followed by your present closing stanza and work from there. maybe explore the question. take the reader through your wonderings. i think that could be really interesting. of course, that would also be a different poem, but we certainly can't be bothered by such minor details, now can we  luv Elyse |
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UndyingLove Junior Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 23Bethany, OK, USA |
Elyse, Thanks for the reply. Those were some good suggestions. I will definitely try that to see what happens there. Thanks again!  )"Goodnight, sweet prince, and flights of angels guide thee to thy rest." -William Shakespeare, in "Hamlet" |
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