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Holiday Party, 2pm
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Holiday Party, 2pm |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
I made an elegant flan with caramel and powdered sugar which no one ate (uncultured prudes) but he made Brownies. I knew him. he was my friend. an Astounding musician. He opened his mouth and the room throbbed with the warm rich tones of his Bass. he played one too, bowing with a passion and deftness that awed me. To the marrow. He was called away, - I forget why - we smiled hello and goodbye at once, And I strode over to take a brownie. They were good. Rich and full like his voice. His brownie on my tounge no - him. I thought of how he made them fervently stirring batter with arms sculpted from bowing sweat clinging to him (shirtless) in a kitchen hot from preheating. Trembling, I folded into a nearby chair. concerned faces approached citing my flushed face and other symptoms of "stress" as cause for worry. I assured them it was nothing. But it was Not nothing. It was intense And I didnt know I felt that way until I took his brownie in my mouth and tasted him there. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elyse Wilcock - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elyse you do very well at communicating your passions. Well written, but a little to steamy for an old man like me. Still you write well beyond your years. Look forward to your next posting. |
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revolution Junior Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 20atlanta, GA, USA |
whoo! *fanning myself* quite an interesting read and emotionally powerful. almost embarassingly sensual! (by that i mean... i had moments of saying "oh my! should i be reading/should you be telling me how hot and luscious his *cough* brownie was?") mmm... lessee... a line that stands out to me as one that could be improved is "sweat clinging to him (shirtless)" --the parenthetical aside seemed out-of-place, and i think it could just be left out, or could be replaced by something like "sweat clinging to his shirtless chest" or something like that. also your first stanza begs comparison between your dish and his, but you don't pursue it further. any reason? |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
oh my, if y'all thought this was steamy you would really be shocked at what i almost posted.  no *cough*ing necessary, it was a real brownie. (read: this happened to me) no reason for dish comparison other than to provide exposition. i dunno, you might could read into it if you tried and say it had this great symbloic meaning, but none intentionally laid by the poet (or should i admit that?) |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Elyse, I admit I started reading this a couple of days ago but I stopped because I just couldn't stomach another 'sweetness' poem -- not a big fan of this type of metaphor (and I do have an anti-sweetness poem in my notebook that I'll post here some day -- just hasn't gelled yet). But I was wrong. This is a powerful poem that makes one see what is happening; I think the fusion imagery is perfect and the term 'sensual' (not sensuous) is perfect for this type of poem. You take it farther than I could have imagined and it's this type of poem that I think many of us should be working on. Very satisfying, Brad |
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