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The Storm
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Storm |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
Silent night blew through i seen the clouds coming I thought you knew The storm was coming Haste was made out the door I felt the rain coming You laid on the floor watching the rain coming The lightening flashed I heard thunder roll For the door you rushed You heard the thunder roll The house went in blaze You tasted your last breath You missed the stormy haze Now you smell as death --Hoppy 4-19-00 "Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." Henry David Thoreau Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Hmmmm, seems like you want to get at something here and I do like the repetition in the second stanza -- very provocative -- but you've gut yourself short and the last stanza is far too blunt for the set up here. Flesh this one out a bit, maybe avoid the rhyme scheme alogether (maybe see if the repetition device might do the trick), and rewrite that last stanza. Watch the typos and some of the grammar (unless you want to a certain type of voice here in which case I would say add more mistakes). One the great things about this place is that we can edit our own stuff because we all make these types of mistakes. Thanks, Brad |
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