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Words
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Words |
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tig Junior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 10 |
Words Flow from my mind Out my fingers On this screen I post for thee Words Provoke emotions Causing commotion Feedback to me Words Enlighten the mind To some degree My Words My Life Mine Mine |
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| © Copyright 2000 tig - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Tig: I like the idea here but I just couldn't get the thought out of my head that the thoughts in the second "Words" stanza seemed backwards. It seems clear from the first stanza that you are typing words that you see on the computer screen. It follows that the words originate from (rather than provoke) the emotions and commotion. Emotions, for me anyway, often are what provoke me to write or type words to describe them. Are you following me? I suppose if you are reading words of another on the computer screen then the emotions would follow the words. If this is what you are trying to say I would suggest that you make your intention a little more clear. Again, I like the idea. By the way, if I haven't welcomed you to CA already, welcome! Jim |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hey tig! i like the cascading indentions here, most places it seems like an affectation, but here it works. after the second Words, the last line in that - stanza ahould i call it? - it seems to me that a feeling line would work better. like, tell what the words do to or for you, since you've said what they do to outsiders. JMHO luv Elyse |
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tig Junior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 10 |
Thank you jb, I appreciate any input..and you are right !... I'm enjoying reading everyone's poems.. tig Elyse, thank you for your comment..I see what you mean ... tig |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to CA but, well, this is CA and I've got a reputation to uphold such as it is. 1. I post for thee? Sorry, I know we've had this argument here before but it just seems like your using that word to rhyme and only to rhyme. 2. Why are we so possessive at the end of this poem? I thought Jim was on to something and that you might want to expand the idea of interactive words -- explore the commotion and the feedback a bit more and see what happens. Show us how your own words or someone else's can create the sensation that you wish to pursue here. Just an opinion, Brad |
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tig Junior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 10 |
Brad, I'm glad you have a reputation to uphold, for it has given me many smiles lately... Thank you for your comments.. tig |
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