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Critical Analysis #1
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Frank Bucciero
New Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 5


0 posted 2000-04-16 10:59 PM



(this is a song i wrote)

I need you,
I can't Be with out you,
Come on baby you know i never doubt you,

I want you,
I want to be with you,

I want to cry with you,
I want to die with you,

You can't tell me its over,
Flip me on my back and say roll over,

We can't just be friends,
Thats like trying to tie a knot with no thread,

No friends share what we do,

I screwed up,
I'm only human,

everyone tells me to move on,
even seems like you are telling me to be gone,

Is this the end of it,
Nothing more than a friend,

you should have put a gun to my heart,
I swore we'd never be apart,

Ohh well,
there's other fish in the sea,

I'm going fishing!

© Copyright 2000 Frank Bucciero - All Rights Reserved
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
1 posted 2000-04-17 08:33 PM


Frank:

There have been several discussions in this forum pertaining to whether song lyrics make good poetry.  The short answer, I think, is sometimes.  But what ends up missing when you read the lyrics are the other layers of the song (pitch, tone, rhythm, tempo, melody, harmony, etc. etc. etc.).  I have little doubt that, put to good music, this would make a fine song.  But as poetry, I think it is too general and fails to grab the attention.  I like the twist in the last line but, in the rest, rather than telling us what you are feeling, describe for us the person you have these feelings for with attention to details.  Love poetry has been soooo overwritten that it takes, in large part, making the love poem a very personal thing in order to avoid cliche.

Too bad I can't hear the music, though.  I feel as though I'm missing out on something here.  

Jim

Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
2 posted 2000-04-20 12:43 PM


I wrote a not very good poem about how poems can't be made into songs (even though they probably can).  The question is though, can songs be made into poetry?  Are songs poetry?  Lyrics certainly can be poetic, and poetry can definitely be lyrical but can they be one and still be the other?  I think so.  But I think you have to compromise to fit both sides.  I think this work, however, is exactly what you say it is, a "song".  So, I will offer this advice to you:
1.Cliches work very well in songs, very poorly in poetry
2.Don't give away the twist ending in the title



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