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Critical Analysis #1

The agony of distress

Darin
Junior Member

since 2000-04-02

Posts 17

0 posted 2000-04-16 05:57 AM

The agony of distress

By Darin Maner

Tears collapsing down my face
I glance back at the memories
This night belongs to us
Yet I can not touch you

I see a light in the distance
Under the soft glow of the moon
The sheer existence of you
Warms my distressed soul

With one glance of your photograph
I yearn to be with you
To feel the sweet touch of your embrace
All alone in my domain
I will relish this night forever

Wordshaman
Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 110
Illinois, USA

1 posted 2000-04-16 11:00 AM

Sweet! Don't change a thing, if you ask me. "Tears collapsing down my face" is a great line. Nice word placement, pace, tone...it all worked out on this poem. See you around.

Wordshaman

There is no Devil.
Just God when He drinks.

--Tom Waits

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

2 posted 2000-04-16 03:56 PM

you start really strong, the first stanza is really intriguing, and i agree, collapseing tears is a kick ass image. but, I dont quite understand why you cant touch her(?). i wanna know why you cant, especially if she still exists -which i take to mean she still lives. and maybe tell why youwill relish this night forever, that doesnt quite seem to mesh with the melancholy i saw. but definately dont touch the first stanza. =)
luv Elyse

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