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Everything But My Words
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Everything But My Words |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
This story is an epic, A lifetime to tell, To write from the hip. Sometimes waiting for ideas to shore, Sometimes trying to catch up to them And forgetting my body for weeks. Through bloodshot eyes and chapped lips I tell her "It's not you. There's an idea out there somewhere, And if I don't catch it now, It'll ever be wild. If we don't tame it now, We'll never see it," And she walks away, Leaving me alone to face my thoughts. I tell time by my women. There was the Jennifer eternity, The Tiffinie blur, The Roya blur, The Rebecca blur. The clocks and calendars mean nothing some years. You think I'm ignoring you, You think I've gone away And forgotten everyone we loved. You're all still there, And there's no one in your place. I'm still alone, Pen and paper in hand. People look at me some days, Once I've returned from hiatus, Like I'm a madman, with my wild, Uncombed hair, whiskers on my face, And uncooperative mouth. I like those people. They're perceptive. Others think I'm retarded, or homeless-- In some ways, they're all right. I traded comfort for writing A few years ago, and it's cost me everything. Everything but my words And my time keeping devices, Who think it's "cool" to date A passionate young writer. But I'd trade them for a good phrase anyday, And I think they know that. That's what makes them come back. The competition. The danger of words. My words. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Greg Butler - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Excellent! I like this one sir!  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Wordshaman, Sorry to say, I have a few problems with this one. First, I think the title is misleading. Don't you mean 'Nothing but my words'? Women as 'time devices'? Objectification is fine in a poem, I think even necessary at times but I kept wondering why someone so dedicated to words, would find so little to see in the women you are dating. This might make an interesting poem though if you expanded it and tried to show what the speaker unknowingly is missing in his callous view of women he is dating. I think you need some stronger, more personal images here (or are you shooting for a Mailer type personality here?). You never ask why you date them. Regarding the idea of a madman -- please see my comments to Kris's (Warmhrt) poem -- I think they are just as appropriate here. Still, this stanza is an interesting idea in the multiplicity of images that people see in you(or the speaker). Again, I think this would make another interesting poem if you developed this part without the rest. The last line is something I'm already mentioned here a few times elsewhere. You can't own words. You can manipulate them to create something new, something exciting but they control you as much as you manipulate them. A little off the subject (and not to be taken seriously) but who is the one being a second rate Randian now?  Brad |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Brad--I'd been stopping in just to argue with Trevor up until now-- Okay...now I'm going to argue with you. Okay? I'm not being egotistical, not trying to "show my vision" or whatever other words of mine are going to be used against me later (I feel very paranoid suddenly)... The objectification of women was used to show how little anything else in my life means besides writing. I can go through the motions of normalcy, but these girls are just physicalities that I use to satisfy certain needs, be they emotional, physical, or whatever. I use them until they start bitching about my writing so much (that is the number one cause breakup in young Wordshaman's life), go out and buy a beret to mourn them, and go on with life. It's been really bad since I took this last editing job at my current newspaper...ach! The title refers to what writing has taken from me. Everything but my words. They weren't necessarily things that I've wanted, but...they are gone. I watched them go. They left the gate open when they went, too. I need to expand on one thing--and I don't know if you saw this or not. Probably so. Who knows? The fact that none of the rest of it means anything, but that I'm SUPPOSED to want it, and my family and friends try to coax me into wanting it. One last argument--the words are free until I net them and coax them into doing tricks for me.  See you around. Wordshaman |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I certainly don't mind a debate but I think you're missing my point. I have no interest in discussing your relationships, no interest in judging your dedication to a craft but what exactly are you writing about? This attitude toward women and relationships is not particularly new in either the literary world or the world of men (you don't have to write to objectify women). Hell, in certain parts, this is the prevailing attitude. With this in mind, I was asking you to present or attempt to present something different. You don't have to defend yourself but I don't think you've shown yourself, the situation, or the women for me, as a reader, to feel anything. You've left no room for how complex I think these issues really can be. I also think that you put too much of your own limited perception ("I like them because they think I'm crazy") rather than wondering why you want to be perceived as crazy (another common enough image associated with writers). You're arguing that you're supposed to feel and do things differently and you can't. Perhaps, but I'm arguing that the image of what a writer is supposed to be is determining that decision and not some essentialized individual that can't and doesn't change. You seem quite content with this sort of life (I may be wrong because I can only guess this from the poem). Think about why you feel these things and less time on guessing what others think of you. Brad |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
You, dear Brad, have pegged me as a chauvinist now. Let me set the record straight. I treat my women as well as I can, sometimes better than they deserve I find out later, when I'm with them. And I've never used a girl who wasn't using me--we're all very open about what we want. They're just as chauvinistic about it as me. So...I'm just a symbiot, not a chauvinist. Wordshaman There is no Devil. Just God when He drinks. --Tom Waits |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I'm not pegging you as anything. I'm trying to show you the problem with this poem (two different things). If the relationships are symbiotic, I think you need to bring that out more. If the two individuals are open in the relationship, why not show us a picture of that? Was there actually a conversation that determined the parameters of the relationship? If so, why not show us a picure of that? That would be an interesting and, perhaps, fairly original poem. Brad |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Greg, Do me a favor and check your e-mail. I've explained my recent action there. Thanks, Brad |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Words (Greg?), Same for this one...you're a good poet, but the content was harsh, uncaring, callous...I could say so much more, but I won't. I'll just say if you are actually giving up all that matters in life besides writing, you are doing the wrong thing. If you don't live, care, feel... what will you have to write about? JMHO Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Kris--I live better than most, feel more than most. It's just that I always have to sit down at the end of the day and write it all out. Sometimes it takes a really long time. In the end, all that gives me a good feeling, a purely and entirely good feeling without any drawbacks, is writing. I write about things that were either partially or entirely flawed in my day. The writing allows me to work everything out. It is the tool that allows me to be decently okay with everything, my life included. I am truly grateful for writing. I'd be dead right now without it. Everything else is just problematic. I guess that's okay. Gives me something interesting to write about. Also, I like the sudden interest we're taking in each other's writing. This is good. You don't have to like what I'm saying, and I know the picture I've presented is flawed--I'm a dynamic personality. I always change. My thing on this day was that while I don't want a relationship with somebody in a long-term sense, I can't stand being alone. The worst thing that happens to me every day is waking up alone, unless I've got a warm body to clutch against. So, I don't like using people. The first girl that ever came up to me and said she wanted to use me for physical needs was a bit shocking. But I was just coming out of a 2 1/2 year relationship, and I couldn't bear waking up alone on the couch I was sleeping on, so I took her up on the offer. I did not regret that. It's been that way ever since--and one or the other always sits the other down and says "I'm not looking for a long-term relationship". "Great. Me either." We hang out, have sex, go to movies and dinners, spend the night together, wake up in the morning and just sit there wordlessly holding one another. In this poem, Iwas using these girls as a device to show how absolutely out of touch I am with the real world. Because I am sometimes. I literally tell time by my women sometimes because the time just blurs together after awhile, but the girls never do. They are the only distinct thing that stands out in my mind, AND I JUST REALIZED EXACTLY WHAT IS MISSING FROM THIS POEM. Okay. Thanks Kris. I'm going to re-write this now. And it's going to have heart.  Wordshaman< !signature--> There is no Devil. Just God when He drinks. --Tom Waits [This message has been edited by Wordshaman (edited 04-16-2000).] |
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