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Ocean
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Ocean |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
I hear in the distance the call of the mighty, eternally rolling and mystical sea, "Come back to the whale-road, the gull-path, the wind-way, the pasturing whitecaps as far as you see. Come lose all your fears and ambitions and sadnesses, swathed and absorbed in the essence of me, And bask on my beaches and bathe in my breakers and cast off your shackles and dare to be free." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ted Reynolds - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Ted, Very unique...hauntingly mystical. I liked it very much. Nice work... Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Yep, Ted, Kris is right, this is very nice. It has an almost surreal feel to it which I can't explain. You know though, I just can't help but want to break the lines in half. It fits so perfectly that way too. I hear in the distance the call of the mighty, Eternally rolling and mystical sea, "Come back to the whale-road, the gull-path, the wind-way, The pasturing whitecaps as far as you see. Come lose all your fears and ambitions and sadnesses, Swathed and absorbed in the essence of me, And bask on my beaches and bathe in my breakers And cast off your shackles and dare to be free." J/K, keep it like it is, it works fine. Sorry about butchering your work. Pete |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Ted, Has a very nineteenth century feel for me. That's not necessarily bad but I wondered if you might want to bring out the tension of the ocean a bit more, something like the tides, the tumult beneath the waves or something like that. Thanks, Brad |
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whipsnade Junior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 40 |
Ted,, As a kid who grew up on the ocean and lived my young life on its beachs { An ocean lifeguard at 16,] through college and years after on weekends,, married with kids,with that Irish affinity for the sea,half cousin to the dolphins, you have rung my bell. Thanks,, Whipsnade |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Thanks for the suggestion, Pete, but I think I'll stick with the long lines; I think/hope they help give the sense of boundlessness I'm trying for. Shorter lines seem too confined for the subject. But always criticise away. And don't think you're butchering; I've been butchered by experts. You're just sandpapering. Brad, I'd love to do just what you suggest. I'd like to extend this into more verses on the tides, and the undertoes, and see what happens to the rhythm. But when I got through these four lines, my mind stopped . . . for now, anyway. I hope it reboots soon. And Kris and Whipsnade, all I can say is "Aw, shucks . . ." |
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achicade Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 66Marietta, GA USA |
Wonderful! I am in love with the ocean and your poetry captures the feeling I get when I visit. God bless you all. :-) -debbie- |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I thought this poem was great. I loved the way that their seemed to be waves of rythym inside the long lines. I was somewhat reminded of Edna's swim out in The Awakening, but you bring it back from the idea of the sea as a swallower of persons as well as of sorrows with the line "bask on my beaches". Very nicely done. I disagree with Brad's suggestion that you should bring out the turmoil of the ocean because I felt that in this poem the ocean was offering itself as a healer and it was the person who was going to the ocean to stop their own turmoil. Very very nice job. |
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