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Waters Edge (please critique this is my 2nd favorite poem)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Waters Edge (please critique this is my 2nd favorite poem) |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN 
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As I sit upon the waters edge I am reminded only of you. The way the waves gently crash against the shore making such a deep impact in the sand. like the impact you have made on my life. The way the water comes so far upon the shore and then recedes back to the large body of water like the way you get so involved in my life and then recede back into the world, without me. The noise of the waves crashing together, sounding so perfect and peaceful like when you tell me that you love me. and the silence they make like when you leave me here alone. The way the sand slips through my fingers so easy leaving my hands empty like the way you are slowly slipping out of my life leaving me here feeling empty, without your love as I sit upon the waters edge.  < !signature--> Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have. --Louis Boone [This message has been edited by just_another_fe (edited 04-07-2000).] |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
fe I think you should change upon the edge to at the waters edge. I would take the 5th line out. I think it make the 4th line weak by expaling what you mean. The connection is strong enough thanks to the 3rd and fouth line. I would take out the large body of water and just leave recedes back. I think that this poem has some good Imagery and you can make it even better by making it shorter and more conscise using stronger more evocative words. Thanks See ya |
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