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Critical Analysis #1
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Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London

0 posted 2000-04-05 09:44 PM


D'e  J`a  Vu
~~~
Again  the  ancient  door  creaks  and  groans
pushing  back  dust
barely  settled  from  time  immortal
~
Through  swirling  fog
a  distant  light  explodes  with  deafening
twisting  truths
~
The  ground  shatters  beneath  my  feet
as  I  hover  helplessly  above  a  boiling
hideous   vortex
~
The  voice  of  truth  explodes  from  above
each  shockwave  progressively  weights
me  down
~
I  lift  my  legs  to  avoid  the  searing  pain
as  nauseously  blistered  hands  take  hold ...
~
and  my  scream  is  but  a  gurgle
~
Unconsiousness  welcome  but  never  met
the  screaming  pain  still  rising  yet
each  fibre  ripped  apart  to  molecular  particle
~
Riding  the  vortex  of  purification ...
~
Separating  sins  from  soul ...
~
Then  finally ...
~
Spit  out  the  tail
only  to  be  caught  by  the  uterine  web
With  the  voice  of  truth  still  taunting
~
" better  luck  this  time "
~~~





[This message has been edited by Rex Allen McCoy (edited 04-05-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Rex Allen McCoy - All Rights Reserved
bboog
Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303
Valencia, California
1 posted 2000-04-06 01:18 AM


Rex,
  I think you should consider rewriting this poem as though you were making something. Perhaps an embroidery of some sort?
  Best of luck to you,
bboog

Malcolm Coleman
Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 24
United Kingdom
2 posted 2000-04-06 12:16 PM


You have a great imagination, and a vivid way with words.  I have to say I liked this.  I had to read it twice, because the realisation of what you were describing came at the end, but this is definitely not a bad thing!

Well done
Malcolm


 ** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris

Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake.

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